Nov 15, 2011

Ladies, Are You Too Picky?

It's good to have high standards for yourself and for those whom you choose to date.  However, when those standards are too high or totally unrealistic, you can end up shortchanging yourself and lose out on meeting lots of great guys in the process.  Below, some tell-tale signs that you may be too picky when it comes to dating!

1) You honestly don't remember the last time you went on a date (despite numerous chances or offers).  It's normal to go through a dating dry spell every now and then, and these can last anywhere from a few months to a few years.  However, if opportunities keep presenting themselves (in the form of offers for coffee dates or well-intentioned friends who try to set up blind dates) and you continually turn them down, this may be a sign that you are too picky and doing yourself a disservice by limiting your dating options.  Don't be afraid to "date outside the box" and try dating someone you wouldn't normally date. 

This doesn't mean slumming it, either; it just means giving that cute guy at the coffee shop a chance despite the fact that he doesn't fit the preppy mold of guys you usually go for (which could be a good thing!), or skipping your usual uptown hangouts when manhunting with the girls and trying a sports bar instead.  What have you got to lose?

2) Your list of "must-haves" is over 10 items long.  It's good to know what you want and to not settle.  However, if you are too stringent on your list of must-haves, you risk ruling out some very cool guys who might otherwise be a great match for you.  Be flexible and allow yourself to explore your options when dating.  Have a few must-haves that you know you cannot compromise on (such as views on having children, a shared faith, and/or career ambitions) and leave wiggle room for the rest.  Try to limit your must-have list to 5 items or less, and leave room for the rest.  Doing this opens up a whole new world of potential dates you may otherwise have ruled out.

3) You have partially resigned to the fact that you may never meet someone you'll truly want to be with.  Another sign of being too picky?  When you've pretty much thrown in the towel and called it a day.  Not just temporarily after a string of bad dates, but I'm talking about a long, extended dry spell (possibly years) where you just don't care to look anymore.  This is not referring to those few people who feel they don't want to be in a relationship at all and are perfectly content that way (to each their own), but to those who want to be in one, but have just given up trying because they feel they just "have the worst dating luck" or "only meet duds".  If you consistently meet new people in social outings and have chances to go on dates yet are declining them or choosing not to, then the problem may lie with your being too picky.

4) Your friends express genuine shock when one of your dates lasts past the second date.  Your friends can often spot your dating patterns better than you do, and a good sign of being too picky is when all of your friends consistently point out that you don't give many of your dates a real chance.  Sure, you shouldn't take too much stock in what others say, but when you hear the same thing being repeated over and over again by different people, it may be a good idea to re-evaluate your dating strategy.

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