Oct 8, 2011

How to Tease A Woman and Give Effective Backhanded Compliments

You may have heard it time and again, but there's nothing quite like teasing and using backhanded compliments to get a woman's attention.  From the moves I've heard many guys pulling, however, there seems to be some "confusion" as to what an effective backhanded compliment should look and sound like.  Read on to learn how to effectively tease and flirt with a woman to blow her mind!

1) Do not be meanspirited.  This is probably one of the most important rules when teasing a woman and giving a backhanded compliment (BHC), and that is that not only will your move backfire if you insult her by saying something mean and turn her off, but she'll also see you as a bully and will probably stay away from you.  For your teasing jabs (TJ) and BHC's to work, there has to be a balance of humor and honesty, and they should not target something she can't change. (For instance, teasing her for her crazy hairstyle is okay; calling her a runt because of her height is not.)

2) No emo undertones. The point of TJ's and BHC's are to show-off your humor and to show that you aren't afraid to "insult" her, therefore displaying confidence and a lack of intimidation. If you use a comment that has emo undertones, however, it'll make you seem insecure or afraid that you won't measure up, and it defeats the purpose of the comment in the first place.

For instance, a good backhanded compliment will often position you as "superior" to her somehow, in a humorous way so that your comment comes across as confident and funny, rather than arrogant. Either that, or it will "insult" her in a funny way (that's not meanspirited).  It does not position you as below her in any way that makes it seem like you don't think you can measure up. Some examples are below:

Good: "Love your haircut -- it looked better on Rod Stewart!"

Bad: "Thanks for finally responding to my email -- you have the memory of my grandmother!"

See the difference?  The first example is humorous, and you are judging her, albeit in a funny way.  This will incite her yet also make her laugh, and she'll wonder if you're serious, and whether you think she still looks attractive with her new 'do or not.  The second example has emo written all over it!  Calling her out for being flaky and sounding angry shows you're peeved and that she easily got under your skin without even trying, which is all kinds of a turn-off.  For a TJ or BHC to work, use humor and nix the emo!

3) Be funny.  This is the difference between flirting and just being mean...if you make her laugh, the sting of your insult becomes flirtation; if you don't and just dryly insult her, you sound like a bully or a straight-up douchebag. There has to be a balance of humor and honesty in order for a teasing jab or backhanded compliment to work. Use a funny tone and be confident - show her there's more where that came from! ;)

4) Do not insult her on something she can't change (goes along with #1).  As mentioned earlier, TJ's and BHC's should not be meanspirited, and as such, you should not insult a girl on something she can't change, but rather, something she can change, to avoid looking like a douche. Examples of things that are usually fair game are her hair, fashion sense, way that she talks, mannerisms, choice of music, etc.  Things that should be avoided include weight (this can be changed, but if you know anything about women, weight jokes should be avoided at all costs!!), height, physical features she may be insecure of, and any other issues you may feel uncomfortable bringing up casually in regular conversation, such as family issues, bad relationships, etc.  A good rule of thumb is if you think your TJ or BHC might make her cry, you should probably not use it!

5) If you can dish it, you can take it. If you give a girl an effective backhanded compliment, don't be surprised if she comes back at you with a quip of her own. This is the perfect opportunity to dish it back again and start some flirty banter -- do not become overly-sensitive and start getting angry at what she says.  Not only is that a turn-off, she'll also realize you can't take it and think you're a pansy.  Continue with the back and forth banter - the more she engages, the more you'll know it's working! ;)


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