Apr 28, 2011

Q & A - Facebook Fling

Q. Dear Alannah,

So there's this guy I met over Facebook...I thought I knew him, but I didn't.  We started talking and it led to some deep, hours long conversations.  We also flirted alot, too, and he asked me if I was single.  A few days later, I suggested hanging out, and he immediately agreed.  We made plans to go to the movies with a couple of his friends, A (who I knew) and B, who I didn't.  It went sooo well!  He was nice and funny and awesome, but since then he's been really distant...he'll still text me first and stuff, but he'll answer in one word texts, etc.  I asked him if something was wrong and if he wanted to stop talking to me, but he'll say he was just watching a movie or doing something else.  We haven't talked since we met up, but I saw his comments on another girl's picture (on Facebook) calling her sexy, and I think he's losing interest when I had really started liking him.  Please tell me if he's a player or interested or what!  Because I'm afraid he lost interest after we met up and now he's stopped talking to me because of that.  Please help!



A. Dear Amanda,

I hate to tell you this, but it seems like you have gotten too attached too soon, and this guy might not be feeling the same thing you are.  When people meet online and get to know each other that way, it's easy to quickly establish a false sense of intimacy and to feel that you have a "stronger" connection than what may truly be there.  Because you're getting to know each other via the Internet and/or by talking on the phone, it's easier for one or both sides to portray themselves in a manner that's different from how they really are, therefore establishing a stronger sense of intimacy than what may actually be there.  I'm not saying that it's not possible for you to be falling for him, but since your interaction with him has been limited (I'm assuming you only talked online for about a few weeks before meeting up?), what you may actually be liking more is the "idea" of him than the guy himself.  Also from what you're saying, this guy seems to be a flirt, and may just enjoying meeting many girls right now, but may not be into looking for something serious at the moment.

What you should do next is to keep your texts with him brief.  If he texts you, respond, but don't flirt or be overly gushy.  Don't call him; don't let him see you sweating him.  If he's interested, he'll step it up and ask you out again.  In the meantime, keep your options open and keep yourself occupied.  If he is interested, he will make a move.  If not, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and your infatuation with this guy will eventually blow over, you will just need to give it some time.

I hope this helps, and let me know if you have any questions!



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