Aug 30, 2010

Q & A - Do Women Like Timid Guys?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have a pretty temperate personality and have been told that I can be pretty timid.  I have heard that women love sensitive guys, and was wondering if this also applied to timid guys.  Do women like men who are timid?

Sincerely,

Shy Guy

A. Dear Shy Guy,

I am sorry to tell you this, but the majority of women do not like timid guys.  They like them as friends, but when it comes to romantic attraction, there is almost zero attraction (unless, of course, the man is Adonis-level hot, but even then, his timidness will decrease his level of attractiveness to most women).  Women like men who have a sensitive side or who can be sensitive, but he also has to have a side to him that shows he can "take charge" when necessary.  The average woman likes a man who can take charge, be decisive, and show assertiveness; in other words, show "manly" qualities.  If a man is timid, in order to find a girlfriend or a wife, he will have to either find a woman who loves taking charge and prefers a man who will take the backseat, a woman who is more timid than he is, or, change himself and become more masculine.  In other words, he will have to find a woman who is on either extreme, or change himself to become more masculine and not as timid. 

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Aug 26, 2010

Sexual Anorexia -- Sexual Addiction's Lesser Known Cousin

Sexual anorexics are the opposite of what Tiger Woods and Jesse James are, open manwhores.

So, researchers have apparently identified a new type of sexual dysfunction that runs in the opposite end of the spectrum from the likes of what Tiger Woods and Jesse James purportedly have (so-called "sexual addictions") and are saying that in addition to those people who are insanely addicted to sex, there also exist people who obssessively avoid sex.  Those who suffer from what has been termed "sexual anorexia" tend to be caught in an obsessive state in which the physical, mental and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates their lives.  To read more about this affliction, click here.

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Aug 23, 2010

How to Turn Her On

Today I'll be discussing for the guys, how to turn a woman on ;)

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Aug 20, 2010

The Five Stages of a Relationship

How can you tell if your relationship is moving forward? A Glamour dating blogger takes a crack at delineating five distinct stages of dating.

By John Ortved - My own relationship ups and downs, compounded by a breakup suffered by my partner in Single-ish crime, Erin, made me think about relationship statuses. Erin's guy hadn't called her for 3 days, and she took that as a sign something bad was coming. Before that his calls had dropped from several times a day to once every other day, and she saw that as defining. Was she right to be suspicious? What are the signs that our relationship is in a certain stage, and how can we categorize them? I've given it a shot:

Keep in mind that these are the stages of dating — anything past meeting the parents (moving in together, marriage, etc) and other past-boyfriend/girlfriend subject matter brings me out of my depth.

1. Puppy Lust
Your eyes meet. Numbers are exchanged. Dates are had. There are flowers. The time spent at first base is more like a seventh inning stretch. And then there are sleepovers. The cutest underwear is worn. Everything is new, and tasty, and repeated. Your friends know what he's like in bed. You have to put effort into spacing out your calls to each other. You're Charlie in the chocolate factory, a Greek soldier within the walls of Troy, Carrie in the Vogue fashion closet. You literally can't get enough.

2. Puppy Love
No more spacing calls. No more playing it cool. You're in serious like with each other. Sleepovers become more regular. You let each other see some personality quirks. You know his drink. He knows your favorite foods. He starts asking about your family and friends. Dinners and dates become less about impressing you and more about getting to know you. Your friends ask if it's going somewhere. There are fewer flowers but more practical gifts (the hand blender your kitchen was without; the DVD you know he'll love).

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Aug 16, 2010

Fact or Fiction: Eating Celery Can Increase A Man's Sexual Attraction With Women


Answer: Fact.

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Q & A - I'm In A Love Triangle

Q. Dear Alannah,

Okay, I don't know where to start.  I might jump around back and forth, and some information might be irrelevant but here goes...a few months ago, I was hanging out with my friend Sarah when she called up her friend Brandon to come hang out with us.  Brandon met us up, along with his then-girlfriend Tina.  We all hung out, had a great time, and I made 2 new friends.  Around 2 months later, Tina and Sarah invited me to go skydiving with them, and that's when Tina and I started talking more.  Her and Brandon had apparently broken up after dating for over a year.  After we went skydiving, Tina and I got closer, and after a week we started dating.

Rumors soon started going around that Tina and I were dating, and that Brandon didn't know we had started dating.  Somehow, Brandon got my number and we started talking.  Apparently, someone told him that I was a good listener and what-not.  So, he poured his heart out to me about how much he still loves Tina, and that she won't return any of his calls.  I didn't have the heart to tell him we were together.  I tried giving him advice as a friend, and to tell him to move on.  The more I told him, though, the more he would just keep going back to how much he still loved Tina.  And I started to feel bad because you know...I'm dating his ex and giving him advice to move on.  Each time he spoke just made me think about how in love he is with her, and that maybe Tina could still possibly have feelings for him, too.

I really like Tina a lot, and I don't want to give her up.  Just the other day, Brandon was finally able to get in contact with Tina.  I don't know what happened, but she seems different.  I don't know what Brandon said, but now she said that she's afraid of how fast our relationship is moving, and that things are moving too fast all of a sudden.  I'm pretty sure I'm taking things pretty slow.

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Aug 12, 2010

The Psychologist Who Says Women Should Let Men Cheat

"Women who cross their legs deserve to be cheated on."

That statement basically sums up the premise behind Aussie psychologist Holly Hill's new book, "Sugarbabe: The Controversial, Real Story of a Woman in Search of a Sugardaddy," which hits shelves this month. Among some of Hill's more fascinating theories: Couples who want to stay together should try out "negotiated infidelity," with a "sugarbabe" who acts as what we can best describe as a surrogate wife meets Hooters waitress. And who, by the way, is paid for ministering to your man.

All I've gotta say is, this lady is nuts!  This book, in my opinion, is nothing more than a hollow attempt to stir up controversy and make some money.  If a legitimate psychologist actually believes this, we should just go back to the Middle Ages now, or become full-blown polygamists, where each man has 10 wives and numerous concubines!  (An open relationship is one thing; condoning cheating because one person isn't "giving it up enough" is another!)

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Aug 9, 2010

Q & A - He Has a Crazy Family

Q. Dear Alannah,

I met this guy online a few weeks ago, and we've gone out about 4 times in the last 2 weeks and talk everyday.  We have a lot in common and really enjoy each other's company.  He's also made it pretty clear that he's interested in me, and I feel the same way.  So what's the problem here, right?

Well, he's been very open and has told me stories about his "unstable" family.  His mom has been married a few times, and may not be all that stable.  He described his brother as a real womanizer (married and divorced several times), and his sister has been in and out of rehab.  I know that everyone always puts their best foot forward at the beginning of a relationship, so I'm wondering if he shares some traits with his family members.  I'm looking for a long-term relationship, and don't want to be involved with someone who isn't available or emotionally/mentally stable to have a lasting relationship.

I'm torn about what to do.  I can continue to date him hoping that if he has issues they will surface, but how long might that take?  I don't want to pursue a relationship that may not have long-term potential, but not find out until many months later.  Any suggestions?  Thanks in advance for your input.

Sincerely,

Allison

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Aug 6, 2010

How to Tell If He's A Player

So you're dating someone new, and he's a total dreamboat...he's funny, charming, attractive, and says all the right things.  He's fun to be around, and you can see things getting serious.  However, before you start getting in too deep, check the signs below to make sure he's in the clear...if many of these signs apply to him, you could be dating a player.

1) He always has phone on silent or vibrate.  Every time you two are together, his phone is always on silent or vibrate.  This wouldn't be too strange - or suspicious - if not for the fact that you'll catch him texting/responding to messages in a suspicious manner (such as in his restroom or closet) and he makes a mad dash for his phone when he knows there's a call/text to make sure you don't see it first.  If this applies to your guy, he could be hiding something from you (such as calls or messages from other girls).

2) He prefers to chill at home, and never wants to take you anywhere.  This is more in the beginning stages of the relationship, where most time spent together/dates usually are outside of each other's homes.  If most of your time together is spent at his place (or yours) and is mostly spent "hooking up", you may not be his main squeeze.  (He may also just be viewing the relationship as more of a "booty-buddy" arrangement and less of an "actual" relationship.)

3) If he has accounts on many social networking sites, is very "secretive" about them, and does not add you as a friend or connection on any of them.  If you know he is active on Facebook, Myspace, or any other major social networking site, but purposely doesn't add you as a connection and/or makes up excuses for why he won't ("I use it for business purposes only," or "I have none of my friends added, it's just to look around."), then he could be hiding something. 

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Aug 4, 2010

Zodiac Hijack: Astrology Ended My Relationship

By Lavanya Sunkara - I was in southern India, the place where I spent my childhood. I had returned to meet my future in-laws. Dressed in traditional garb and with my mother next to me, I walked into their home and was greeted by my partner's sister and mother, with hearty smiles and huge hugs. The older woman, adorned in a crisp banarasi sari and with marigolds in her hair, brought in a plate of coconut sweets that she knew I liked. I looked at my future husband and I couldn't be happier, knowing that his family had wholly accepted me.

Then I woke up. Cool, spring New York air swept through my open window and my dog stirred next to me in her sleep. I awoke to a life in which my lover was gone, simply because my mother had given birth to me in the afternoon instead of the morning.

Like many modern singles, Suman* and I met online a year ago. We had both migrated to the States for higher education in the '90s. As we were both young professionals with a mix of East and West values, we quickly discovered the similarities between us. Having never dated a fellow Indian, I was both excited and hopeful about the prospect of being with someone who shared my language and customs and, more importantly, whose folks lived only blocks away from my kin. Months of getting to know one another through e-mails and marathon telephone conversations led to our finally meeting in person.

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