Jul 31, 2010

Fact or Fiction: Relationship Insecurity Can Be Bad for Your Health


Answer: Fact.

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Jul 29, 2010

Q & A - I'm Afraid He'll Break My Heart Again

Q. Dear Alannah,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. We've known each other for about a year and went out last summer, but then eventually broke up when school started, because he was going into college then and he told me he'd be too busy for a girlfriend, and he also didn't have a car at the time. Well, we're doing great so far now, but I'm afraid that once school begins again, he'll break up with me again. 

The other thing also is that I love him and I'm too afraid to tell him.  He's never loved a girl in his life and I'm afraid that if I tell him, I'll scare him off.  People have told me, "Oh you guys have been together for only 3 months and you already love him?  You can't love a person that quickly, it takes more time."  But I've known him for a year and I really, really like him. I'm just so confused, I'm not sure what I should do.

I also talked to his mother a couple of days ago, though, and she told me that he's never been this serious with a girl, never had a relationship this long, and he's never brought a girl home.  I don't want to get my hopes up thinking he loves me back, though.  I've been hurt before so many times, I don't want to get hurt again.  What should I do?

Your advice would really help.

Sincerely,

Amanda

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Jul 27, 2010

Researchers Identify Why Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

AOL Health - Breaking up is definitely hard to do, and researchers now know why that is.

It seems that love is comparable to a drug addiction: It activates the parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings, according to new research from Stony Brook University.

Researchers were able to show a connection between romantic rejection and a cocaine craving via brain images. And they helped to pinpoint that romantic love is more about being in a powerful, goal-oriented state based on the success of the relationship, rather than feeling a specific emotion, Arthur Aron, professor of social and health psychology at Stony Brook and one of the study's researchers, told AOL Health.

The research team, led by Helen Fisher, a research professor and member of the Center for Human Evolutionary Studies at Rutgers University, used functional magnetic resonance imaging to monitor the brain activity of 15 college-age individuals. The heterosexual men and women had recently been dumped by their significant others and reported that they were still in love with their former partner, spent hours thinking about that person and hoped that their partner would come back to them.

The authors of the study, which was published in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology, showed participants a photograph of their former girlfriend or boyfriend and asked them to complete a math exercise. Then they showed the volunteers a picture of a familiar "neutral" individual.

The photos of participants' past partners stimulated several key areas of the brain, including:

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Jul 24, 2010

Summer Date Ideas That Cost Next to Nothing

With summer in full swing, there are a plethora of cheap date ideas that abound that will cost you next to nothing. From chilling outdoors to escaping the heat inside, summer is the perfect time of year to take advantage of the relaxed mood and hot temperatures that make nighttime dates oh-so-steamy! Below, some summer date ideas that will cost you next to nothing!

1) Swimming. What better way to get your date half-naked on the first few dates than by going swimming? Not only is it free and a great way to beat the heat, it also allows you to burn some calories while you're at it, and have fun. Bring along a cooler with refreshments and then hit the local watering hole to cool down with your date!

2) Happy hour. Why go out late at night to get drinks when prices are at their highest? Grab drinks during happy hour with your date, and enjoy the same great cocktails for half the price! Save any leftover cash for dinner or a movie later, and you'll have the complete "going out" experience for much less money!

3) Grilling/barbecue. This is something guys love to do that can also help save you cash if you took advantage of it. Instead of heading over to the local ultra-pricey, extra-stuffy steakhouse in your city, why not grill or barbecue instead? Those skilled at cooking can show off your culinary chops by inviting your date over to your place for some surf and turf - made your way - without leaving a significant dent in your wallet. Or, make it a group affair and invite several friends over for a summer barbecue - whatever your choice, cooking at home easily saves you more than half of what you'd spend on the same food at a luxe restaurant.

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Jul 20, 2010

Q & A - My Boyfriend Moved in With a Female Roommate

Q. Dear Alannah,

My boyfriend of 4 years recently moved in with his friend Randy and his sister Anna.  Randy is out of town until the end of the month, so right now it's just my boyfriend and Anna living there.  I am very uneasy with him living there with a girl.  About a year ago, my boyfriend cheated on me, hid that he was cheating until I found the intimate text messages, and then we broke up.  We ended up gettting back together about 4 months later.

Given our background, you can see why I am so threatened with my boyfriend living there.  He and Anna also have a bit of history; when he was a freshman in high school, they made out at a party.  Apparently it was nothing, but now he seems to be trying to get close to her.

He is overly-friendly with her, and it makes me uncomfortable.  Just like on Sunday, when I was at work; he took Anna out to lunch and paid for her, as well.  I was really upset when I found out.  Then I come to his house, and he is only wearing a towel when talking to her.  They barely even acknowledged me walking in there.  At that point, I had had it, and just couldn't handle this extreme jealousy I felt.  I told him I couldn't be with him anymore, and that him living with a girl was just too much for me; he flipped out.  Started yelling at me like a 13 year old and wouldn't stop - he told me I was fake and crazy.  He kept telling me that he isn't gonna "f-ck" Anna, and that he hasn't "cheated on me YET."  That's wonderful...

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Jul 16, 2010

Mistakes Guys Make When Pursuing a Woman

When first pursuing a woman, many guys have only one focus, and one focus only: get her interested, and agree to go on a date. (Some, of course, may be more focused on other aspects of dating - namely, gettin' laid! - than they are on the dating itself, but that's another topic for a different day!) Many guys at the beginning are so focused on the things that they can do to impress a woman that they aren't aware of some mistakes they may be making that can easily spell doom for a potential courtship. Below, some common mistakes many guys make when pursuing a woman, and why you should avoid them!

1) Entrapment. This is a sneaky and somewhat manipulative move that some guys sometimes do (whether consciously or unconsciously) in order to get with a girl, and it's what - in it's worst form - I call "entrapment". It's when a guy does nice things for a girl so that he can hold it over her later so that she'll "owe" him, and therefore feel obligated to spend time with him and/or go on a date with him.

Now, I'm not saying that all guys who do nice things for a girl are trying to entrap her, mind you; some actually are just generous and sweet, and want to do nice things for another person; some may be doing things just hoping that the girl will realize he'd do anything for her because he has genuine feelings for her; and then, the last group are the ones I'm describing here.

Women can see right through this, and the majority of the time, it never works. In fact, there's usually only one of two things that can happen when a guy does this, and neither one of them are favorable; a woman will see this for what it is, and will either: a) be turned off and stop seeing him, or b) go along with it and try to get as much as she can from him while she can, and then leave him in the dust.

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Jul 12, 2010

Q & A - Should I Give Him A Second Chance?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have a friend named Johnny who I've been friends with since junior high school.  We met in History class.  Johnny was a nice, shy guy.  We weren't best friends, but were still pretty close.  He didn't talk to me much during the first month we were in the class, but as the semester went on, he started talking to me, constantly.  Towards the end of the school year, as high school was approaching, his friends suddenly started randomly coming up to me and asking me what I thought of him.  I ignored them, of course.  What was I supposed to do?  I was in junior high, and relationships were the last thing on my mind.

Then we entered high school, and Johnny was in one of my classes again.  During our freshmen year, I got to know him more, and we'd talk whenever we could.  At the end of the school year, he gave me some of his drawings of roses and such.  I noticed he was acting kind of weird around me and so were his friends - they were always whispering when I came up to talk to him.  Then, during our summer break, we would meet at school, because I had club meetings and he had soccer practice.  We would talk until our rides came.  One day, when my parents came to pick me up, we said our "Goodbyes" and "See you later's", and then unexpectedly, Johnny yelled out, "I love you!"  I was shocked.  I didn't know what to say back, so I just smiled and waved.  He continued with the "I love you's" for the rest of the summer. 

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Jul 8, 2010

Fact or Fiction: If You're A Great Lover, You Can Please Anyone


Answer: Fiction.

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Jul 6, 2010

Food for Thought: What's Your Type?

When I was younger, I had two distinct "types" of guys that I was attracted to...the first was the kind many girls fall for, the one who's ultimately a heartbreaker. This kind of guy was the charmer, the smoothtalker, all the ladies loved him, and he also loved himself. I'm sure you all know of someone like this. Needless to say, I learned (after many, many stumbles and falls) that this type of guy isn't the guy who has long-term potential...he's fleeting, and is always after the next new thing on the horizon, or only wants what he can't have.

The other type of guy, in some ways, is even more dangerous than the first...he will consume your time and give you hope. He'll leave you drifting, waiting for him for ages until he's ready to take action, on anything. He's not a bad guy, but waiting for him could suck years out of your life if you allowed it. This type of guy, for me, was the poetic, artistic type...sensitive, brooding, down-to-earth. He was deep and layered, but often with so many hang-ups and issues that things never got anywhere...it was always at a standstill. Big dreams and grand hopes, but no action or follow-through.

It was then that I realized that having a "type" puts you in a box, it cages you in. It makes you blind to all the other possible matches for you that you've been missing out on. It makes you write someone off if they don't fit a certain predetermined "mold" that you have, making you miss out on so many wonderful possibilities that could have happened if you had only decided to be a bit more open about your dating choices.

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Jul 3, 2010

Q & A - I Like A Girl Who's Not Legal Yet

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have somewhat of a dating dilemma and wanted to see if you could help.  I'm a 25 year old guy, and am interested in this girl who's not legal yet.  She's 17, will turn 18 by the end of the year, and the interest is mutual.  I'm not some perv who preys on underage girls -- we have mutual friends (she's the younger sister of a friend of my friend) and happened to hang out together in a group setting a few times.  I didn't initiate the flirtation with her; she did, and made it pretty clear that she is interested in me.  She doesn't act like most girls her age, is very mature, and we have a great time talking to each other.  She has mentioned that we should hang out on a few occasions.

I don't know what I should do, because I am interested, but there's the obvious problem of her age.  Should I go ahead and ask her out, since it is a mutual thing?  What is really the big deal if she's going to turn 18 by the end of the year anyways, right?

Sincerely,

Keiran

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