Q & A - Why Is She Leaving Me Hanging?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I'm very confused by a girl who I was dating recently, and was wondering if maybe you could help me out. I met this girl through my university's online forum boards about two weeks ago, and started chatting with her often online shortly after. One day, when I was sick, I was chatting with her online and told her that I was sick, and she surprised me by bringing me some soup and medicine to my place (it was also the first time we met in person). I was really touched by the sweet gesture, and soon after, we started dating. On all of our dates though, I initiated contact and called her first. At the end of our first week of dating, I had a basketball match with friends, and invited her to come and watch. To my pleasant surprise, she did end up coming (by herself), and some of my cousins who were also there saw her and told me they thought she seemed like a nice girl, a great catch who I should definitely pursue.

The day after the match, I decided to get her a special present. I bought her a silver bracelet, which I thought looked really nice. I gave it to her that night, and she was smiling a lot, and seemed happy. However, since that night, things changed. When I got home after seeing her that night, I was online and waited to see if she would IM me on Yahoo, but she didn't. When I IM'd her, her responses would be short, and it seemed like she didn't want to chat. I decided not to IM her first (or call her or anything else) for two days. I haven't heard anything from her. I'm becoming very frustrated. Even last night, I saw her online, but she didn't IM me or anything.

I'm not sure what happened, and if there's been some misunderstanding between me and her, I want to clear it up. I think I'm a pretty funny, smart, active, and social guy, and have no problems making friends. I'm also stylish and pretty good-looking. What have I done wrong here? Or are all females this complicated?? What should I do?

Sincerely,

Ryan

A. Dear Ryan,

Sorry to hear about your current situation. Even more sorry to tell you that you may have jumped the gun by buying her the silver bracelet (nice gesture, but way too soon to be buying a girl such types of gifts, especially jewelry), and (as much as this sucks) this premature "relationship" move may have scared her off. (I know, it's unfair that doing sweet things like that could scare a girl off, but think of it as similar to the equivalent of a girl you just started dating helping you clean up your apartment and redecorating it to her tastes.)

As a general rule, I suggest to not buy gifts that have actual resale value (such as jewelry, purses, electronics, shoes, etc.) for a girl you're dating until it's established that you two are an item. As mentioned in my previous post, flowers, cards, candy, and gag gifts are fine, but higher-priced gifts (especially jewelry, even if it isn't "real" silver or any other precious metal) should almost always only come later on, once it's been established that you are mutually exclusive with a girl. (Not only does this help weed out golddiggers, but it's also usually more of a "relationship" move to buy gifts such as jewelry for a girl.)

Chalk this up to a lesson learned, and don't try contacting her again.  If she tries contacting you again, great, but this time, take things slow. No premature relationship moves, no jumping the gun.  Refer to my previous post for more dating tips you will find useful.

Alannah