Q & A - Friend Zone'd?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I met this girl named Ally thru a good friend. We started talking in December of this past year. I thought she was an attractive girl, and at the time had slight feelings for her.  In January, I realized that I had intense feelings for her. I realized this when she started talking about this guy she liked.  For some reason, I felt extremely jealous of this guy.

As the months progressed, our friendship became closer and closer, and she would talk to me about almost anything - insecurities, her crush, school life, and past relationships. As for this guy, I just kept hiding how I truly felt inside, pretending everything was ok and good.  By mid-February, her feelings started to fade for this guy, and I started initiating moves, such as complimenting her looks and her clothes and such, and asking her out to a movie.  How she reacted was all smiles and happiness, often she said I'd flatter her.

Yesterday, I told her how I felt for her and she said that she used to like me back in December when we met at a going-away party for a friend, but that her feelings stopped when she started liking this other guy. Hearing that hurt me pretty bad... there were no tears or anything like that, it was just emptiness.  I've liked other women before, but not as extreme as how I feel right now. It's comparable to my past relationships.

I guess to cut my long story short, here's a couple of questions I'd like to ask to seek your opinion.

Ally and I are now best friends; should I:

1) Hope for something more than friendship to spark out of this?
2) Stop talking to her until I am fully healed?

Thank you for your help.

Sincerely,

Robert

A. Dear Robert,

I'm very sorry to hear about your current situation - it's difficult, but it's definitely possible to get through this. On what you should do next, of those two choices you mentioned, it's actually possible to do both (the first for a smaller period of time, and the second choice, if the first one fails).

So you've told her how you feel, and she said that she's not feelin' it (anymore) - all hope is not lost. If you can get over the initial pain of rejection, pick yourself up, and dust yourself off, you may be able to win her over again. Check out my posts on "The Friend Zone (Part I and Part II)" for tips on how to get out of the Friend Zone with her (which is where you're stuck at the moment). Once you've tried the tips in the articles, if there is any hope left that you two will date, that should help you bring that possibility about.

If you try the tips and aren't able to get past the Friend Zone with her, however, then I would definitely advise to back off from your friendship for awhile to give you some time to get over your feelings for her. Good luck, and let me know if you have any questions!

Alannah