Mar 29, 2010

Q & A - Her Parents' Divorce Is Causing Us Problems

Q. Dear Alannah,

My girlfriend and I have been together for around two and a half years now. Her family lately has been going through rough times, and she's being affected by it in many ways.  Her parents are currently going through a divorce, and she is changing because of it - the way she sees things now is very negative and pessimistic.

Because of this, our relationship seems to be drifting further and further apart.  I really do love her, though, and want to find a way to fix this - I've been trying to help her out, but it seems like she keeps trying to push me away.  I understand she needs her space, but our relationship has become one-sided.  I need some advice on how we can deal with this.  I know she still loves me and needs space to deal with her family problems, but she told me she didn't want to think about our future right now, and said we should just "enjoy what we have," and not think about moving in or anything, basically take things slow.

It drives me nuts that every day, things seem to get worse and worse for her, because her parents constantly fight with each other and take out their anger on her.  Sometimes she takes out her anger on me and really hurts me, but I know she's going through a tough time, and I just have to bear it for now. It's really killing me, though...what can I do here?




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Mar 27, 2010

10 Rules and Truths Of Dating Every Girl Should Know

1) Never let your world revolve around one person.

2) It's okay to (casually) date more than one person at once.

3) If he's not there through the bad times, he doesn't deserve to be there through the good times.

4) Shorten your list for Mr. Right to just the basic, important things (common faith, future goals, basic personality traits, etc.), and many more potential Mr. Rights will suddenly seem to appear.

5) Don't forget friends just 'cause you're in love.

6) Remember, love is a two-way street - anything less is bound to break sooner or later.

7) You must be happy by yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.


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Mar 24, 2010

Q & A - Long-Distance Relationship Woes

Q. Dear Alannah,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. I moved a couple months ago across the country, and he promised me that we can work it out and everything will be okay. Honestly, though, I feel like it won't. I feel like it's going to end soon, because we won't be able to see each other until Spring Break, and after that, I'm not even sure how I'm going to see him again.

I don't want to throw what we have all away just because of the distance. The 3 hour time difference is also difficult for us, because it's either that he calls me too late or I call him too early. Sometimes we don't really talk on the phone as much as we did before. I feel like he's slowly slipping away from me. I don't want to lose him.  Please help Alannah, it would mean so much.




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Mar 22, 2010

Food for Thought: Do Women Need Drama In a Relationship?

This goes back to that old, preconceived notion many people have that women are only attracted to jerks and bad boys when it comes to dating…to the assholes, the ones who treat them badly, and/or only bring drama into their lives.  Many guys often wonder why is it that so many women tend to gravitate towards drama-filled relationships, or (worse yet), sometimes “create” drama in a relationship when none is there?

The reason isn’t what you’re probably thinking (that all us females are masochists or have a few screws loose); it’s because women need to be challenged when we're in a relationship.  We don’t want drama, per se, but we want a guy who can stand toe-to-toe with us, who isn’t afraid to (mentally) challenge us every once in awhile.  Most female friends probably wouldn't tell you this, but it's true - most women don’t want to date someone who’s a doormat and who lets us walk all over them.  Would you??  The majority of people want someone who isn’t afraid to challenge them every once in awhile, which is the secret ingredient to keeping a relationship fresh and exciting.

So how do you do this, you ask?  For one, don’t be a doormat when dating a woman, or when you're in a relationship.  Don’t become a “yes” man.  Retain your ideals and know your boundaries, and know when someone’s pushing them beyond your comfort level.  A woman will respect you far more for not letting anyone walk all over you and for not being afraid to stand up for yourself than she would someone who always says “yes” just to avoid conflict, or who's afraid to put his foot down and assert’s a fact of life. 


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Mar 20, 2010

Q & A - Why Is She Leaving Me Hanging?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I'm very confused by a girl who I was dating recently, and was wondering if maybe you could help me out. I met this girl through my university's online forum boards about two weeks ago, and started chatting with her often online shortly after. One day, when I was sick, I was chatting with her online and told her that I was sick, and she surprised me by bringing me some soup and medicine to my place (it was also the first time we met in person). I was really touched by the sweet gesture, and soon after, we started dating. On all of our dates though, I initiated contact and called her first. At the end of our first week of dating, I had a basketball match with friends, and invited her to come and watch. To my pleasant surprise, she did end up coming (by herself), and some of my cousins who were also there saw her and told me they thought she seemed like a nice girl, a great catch who I should definitely pursue.

The day after the match, I decided to get her a special present. I bought her a silver bracelet, which I thought looked really nice. I gave it to her that night, and she was smiling a lot, and seemed happy. However, since that night, things changed. When I got home after seeing her that night, I was online and waited to see if she would IM me on Yahoo, but she didn't. When I IM'd her, her responses would be short, and it seemed like she didn't want to chat. I decided not to IM her first (or call her or anything else) for two days. I haven't heard anything from her. I'm becoming very frustrated. Even last night, I saw her online, but she didn't IM me or anything.


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Mar 18, 2010

Style Files: March '10 Men

Spring is finally here, which means it’s time to update those dark, winter wardrobes with new, fresh looks for the season. For a quick update to your look without blowing the bank, remember that the key is color and sharp, smart accessories. Read on for the latest looks in men's fashion this season.

1) Denim. Denim trends for men haven't changed much within the past few years, but the washes that are most popular do change season by season; for Spring and Summer, lighter washes are most popular, but darker rinses can also be worn at night.

Quickly and easily update your denim look by cuffing (or rolling) the hem at the bottom. For the most flattering look, roll the hem twice, with a cuff about one and a half inches in width. The cuff doesn't need to be crisp and neat - a "casually" rolled cuff (as on the models below) was the popular look on the runways this season.

Cuffed jeans on the runway at Michael Bastian.


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Mar 16, 2010

Turn That Spring Fling Into the Real Thing

So you're on Spring Break and just looking to have fun; with parties raging, minimal responsibility, and Spring Fever kicking in, almost everyone's minds are turned towards having fun and not worrying about the responsibilities that await them at week's end.

That said, many may also have the same attitude towards any romantic interests they may meet while on vacation, out partying, and enjoying this week-long fiesta away from work and/or school.  If a Spring Fling isn't really your thing, however, and you've met (or are hoping to meet) a special someone while enjoying your break, here are some tips to maximize the potential that this "fling" can turn into the real thing.

1) Hold off on sex.  This applies to both girls and guys (I know what you're thinking-bummer!).  No matter how much you may be digging this person at the moment, sex changes everything, so if you're looking to extend this Spring romance beyond the next few days, hold off on going all the way.

2) Make your time together memorable.  Instead of just getting slammed every night at the local club/pub/bar, if you're on vacation and meet a hottie, go sight-seeing together, or snorkeling, or skydiving; do things you know will leave an impact on their memory.  Do things beyond just having mad makeout sessions every night (however tempting that may be!).  Do things you know you (and probably they) would not be doing back at home.  Make them think back fondly on your time together once you two are back home.


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Mar 13, 2010

Q & A - Friend Zone'd?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I met this girl named Ally thru a good friend. We started talking in December of this past year. I thought she was an attractive girl, and at the time had slight feelings for her.  In January, I realized that I had intense feelings for her. I realized this when she started talking about this guy she liked.  For some reason, I felt extremely jealous of this guy.

As the months progressed, our friendship became closer and closer, and she would talk to me about almost anything - insecurities, her crush, school life, and past relationships. As for this guy, I just kept hiding how I truly felt inside, pretending everything was ok and good.  By mid-February, her feelings started to fade for this guy, and I started initiating moves, such as complimenting her looks and her clothes and such, and asking her out to a movie.  How she reacted was all smiles and happiness, often she said I'd flatter her.

Yesterday, I told her how I felt for her and she said that she used to like me back in December when we met at a going-away party for a friend, but that her feelings stopped when she started liking this other guy. Hearing that hurt me pretty bad... there were no tears or anything like that, it was just emptiness.  I've liked other women before, but not as extreme as how I feel right now. It's comparable to my past relationships.


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Mar 12, 2010

Style Files: March '10 Women

With Spring being slowly ushered in comes the rapid departure of warm weather clothing from our wardrobes and the quick accumulation of sexy, skin-baring styles, daring new looks, shorter hemlines, and playful new fashion trends - what's not to love?? Let the Spring fashion sexiness begin! ;)

1) Sci-fi and futurism. With the turn of the new decade, it's not at all surprising to see futuristic fashions pop up all over designer runways. These forward-thinking styles include elements you may have seen before on past designer runways - such as metallic fabrics and robotic-looking elements - with newly-added styles with a futuristic bent - such as dystopia and evolutionary change - that take the trend to a whole new level.

Elements that define this trend include:

- Metallic fabrics, plating, or detailing
- Robotic-looking elements
- Circuitry-inspired patterns
- Unusual and exaggerated silhouettes, such as pointed shoulders and cocoon shapes
- Fish scales or reptile scales (as possible on futuristic forms)

Alexander McQueen Spring 2010.

If going all-out and donning a dress of fish scales isn't really your thing, you can still take hold of this trend by pairing futuristic pieces with more classic ones for a more "balanced" look. This trend is bold and takes confidence to wear, but be sure that it is definitely eye-catching, fresh and fearless!

Versace Autumn/Winter 2010.

Louise Golden Spring 2010.

2) Hot pants, boy shorts and short shorts. With rising temperatures comes more exposed skin, and this season's hot pants and boy shorts show plenty of that! Hot pants are the latest incarnation of the many super-sexy, lingerie-inspired styles to hit the mainstream, and these daring styles were all over the runways this Spring. They are in keeping with the "negative hemline" trend of bodysuits popular this season, and expose lots (as in bottom "cheek"-skimming) of skin - not for the faint of heart!

Hot pants on the runway at Prada Spring/Summer 2010.

If the very-high hemlines and curve-hugging cuts of hot pants are too revealing for your taste, go with short shorts or boy shorts - these still show plenty of leg, and are "modest" enough to wear during the daytime and on casual weekends out, but definitely don't skimp on sex appeal!

Boy shorts on the runway at Blumarine Spring 2010.

Express Stretch Cotton Shorts, $29.50 at Express

3) Jumpsuits and playsuits. Whimsical and sexy, playsuits infuse a playfulness to this Spring's fashion picks that's simply irresistible. Comfortable and stylish, playsuits (shorter one-pieces) are another of the latest lingerie-inspired trends to hit the runways, and the possibilities are endless. Jumpsuits (longer one-pieces) can run the gamut from hot night-time look to professional work ensemble and more. Layer your one-piece with a jacket, belt it, or wear it as is, but definitely don't be afraid to experiment!

Jumpsuit on the runway at Roberto Cavalli Spring/Summer 2010.

Badgley Mischka Spring/Summer 2010.

Playsuit on the runway at Richard Chai Spring/Summer 2010.

Hotel Arizona Jumpsuit, $62 at

4) See-through and sheer clothing. Hugely popular during the past year, sheer clothing continues to be hot on into Spring 2010, with the style popping up on everything from tops to dresses, to skirts and pants, used in sectional cut-outs, or for the entire piece. The look is soft and feminine or brazenly sexy, and can be worn alone or layered. Whatever your choice, make sure to pick the proper undergarments to avoid any wardrobe malfunctions! ;)

Preen Fall/Winter 2010.

Sheer looks in Numero Magazine.

Mesh Top Dress, $32.80 at Forever 21

5) Color. Color for Spring 2010 moves away from the bold colors of the past few seasons towards softer hues, with a wide range of greens (including turquoise, light forest green, and even neon green), as well as light gray, hazelnut (light "chocolate" brown), zest (yellow), bubble gum (soft pink), and sienna (burnt orange). For those who favor the previous seasons' bolder colors, fear not - hues with more impact, such as indigo, grenadine (hot pink), and the aforementioned neon green, are also popular for the season.

Thayer Belted Shirtdress, $242 at

Arden B. Cowl Neck Top, $29 at Arden B.




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Mar 9, 2010

Q & A - My Friend's Boyfriend is An Asshole

Q. Dear Alannah,

My best friend's boyfriend is an asshole, and I'm tired of him mistreating her.  He has cheated on her, lies to her all the time, verbally and emotionally abuses her, and constantly makes her sad.  Everyone around her knows he is nothing but a scumbag, but still my friend sticks around, even though all her friends (including me) tell her to break it off with him.  She used to be a very happy, outgoing, social person, but ever since they started dating almost 2 years ago, it's slowly gone away.  She's always paranoid, checking up on him, wanting to know where he's at, and if they're not fighting, then she's just waiting to see what bad thing he's going to do next.

I don't know what to do, but as her friend, I feel that there must be something I can do to help her get out of this destructive relationship.  Do you have any advice?




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Mar 5, 2010

Ways to Turn a Woman OFF On A Date

1) Do a completely obvious, 180 degree turn every time an attractive woman walks by.

2) Wear tons of "Axe" body spray on your body, combined with loads of scented hair gel and a potently strong can never smell too good!

3) Tell her you forgot your wallet at home and ask if she could "spot you this time," after ordering the most expensive steak dish on the menu, an appetizer to start, dessert, as well as a fine bottle of wine to go with dinner.

4) Wear something outlandish (for example, a feather boa, pirate hat, hot pink mesh shirt, etc.) to make sure her eyes are only on you.

5) Tell her the things your ex would do for you in bed back when you were together, and proceed to "demonstrate" using hand motions and/or sketches.

6) Tell her open relationships are the "next step" in human evolution.

7) Tell her about the huge crush you used to have on her hot best friend.


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Mar 1, 2010

Q & A - Does My Friend Like Me?

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, I have a crush on a friend of mine named Robert - I like him a lot.  He has a brother named David who I'm also close friends with and who I think had a crush on me before, but I don't see him in that way, and I'm sure he knows it. 

Anyways, we all hang out with the same group of friends, and Robert and I are pretty close - I know his whole family.  He acts like he likes me, especially when our friends aren't around (we have a class together).  He has told other people that he just sees me as a friend, though, and that he doesn't feel the same way that I do.  Others have caught on to how he acts towards me, and have asked him if he likes me; when they do, I've heard he gets defensive and kind of angry.

I want to say it again - I really feel that he does seem to have feelings for me, and I feel like we have a real connection that I don't want to believe is just my imagination.

So, I have 2 questions here:

1. Should I just ask him myself if he has feelings for me, or could that ruin our friendship?

2. Could the reason why he's holding back with me be because he knows his brother used to like me (and is the reason why he tells everyone he just sees me as a friend)?




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