Q & A - My Relationship is Becoming Boring

Q. Dear Alannah,

I am 23, and have been in a relationship for 6 years.  It's been a good relationship so far.  About a year ago, though, my roommate starting dating my boyfriend's roommate.  Their relationship is new and exciting, and it's been making me feel very envious of them, causing problems with my boyfriend in all aspects of our relationship, even in the bedroom, where things often seem boring.

We've talked it over and have fought over it, and I'll get over it for awhile, but the feeling that our relationship is dead in the water will start to creep up after awhile.  He's a wonderful person and loves me so much, but I don't know if I can handle this feeling much longer.  It seems as if we've been together so long, our relationship is starting to feel more friendly lately than boyfriend/girlfriend.  This is my first and only long-term relationship, and none of my friends are in long-term relationships, so I don't know how common this is.  Any advice on what I should do?

Sincerely,

Crystal

Dear Crystal,

This is a very common occurrence in long-term relationships, so know that you're not alone on this one.  Lots of long-term couples start to feel this way after being together for awhile, and just need some excitement to reinvigorate and jumpstart the relationship again.  The initial feelings of excitement in a relationship are because of it's newness, because you are learning so much about this new person and every day is new.  Then, after being together for awhile, you may start to settle into a "routine", which can become predictable at times and lead to feelings of boredom and/or discontentment.  This is to be expected, and can very easily be fixed.

Try new activities with your boyfriend that you both have never done before - the more exciting, the better.  Skydiving, whitewater rafting, and parasailing are a few good examples.  It doesn't necessarily take just thrilling activites in order to infuse more excitement into your relationship, however; any new activities that you both would enjoy (such as, for instance, taking guitar lessons or a cooking class together) can also work.  Break out of your usual routine and hang out in a different part of town, take a weekend road trip together, try new things in the bedroom.  Talk to your boyfriend to see if he has any suggestions (especially the bedroom part!).  He'll most likely have a few ideas of his own.  Remember to also keep an open mind to his suggestions. 

It takes a little effort, but trying new things and breaking out of your usual mold are the first steps towards adding spice and excitement back into your relationship again.  If, after trying to change your routine and trying new activities, you still feel the same way, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship to see if it has run it's course. 

Take care, and best of luck!

Alannah