For the Ladies: How to Improve Your Relationship Skills (Part II)

In my previous post, I mentioned for the gals some tips on how to improve your relationship skills. Today, I'll be continuing my post with more tips on how to improve your relationship skills and increase your desirability as an awesome catch!

4) Assertiveness. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. Just like how guys complain that women only go for the bad boys, many women also complain that men only go for the bitchy girls. Looks aside, it's oftentimes the "I won't put up with any bullsh-t" attitude that attracts men to these women, not the selfish, demanding behavior; they know what they will and will not put up with, and aren't afraid to let the guy they're dating know it.

You don't have to go to the extreme of turning into a "bitch" in order to get the same results, either; being a nice person does not mean you need to let someone walk all over you. If he steps out of line, call him out; no matter if it's in a romantic relationship, or any other kind of relationship, people will respect you more when you set your boundaries. Ways to assert yourself when dating someone include:

a) Hold him to his promises. It's best to establish this early on in a relationship, because it's easier to prevent bad behavior than it is to rectify it. (I'm not saying it's not possible to "reverse" bad behavior in an established, long-term relationship, but, if possible, use these tips from the beginning so that the guy you're dating knows what your expectations are, and there won't be any confusion.)

For instance, if a guy says he'll call at a certain time, hold him to it. If he doesn't do it or "forgets", call him out - let him know you won't tolerate broken promises. Whether it's flakiness, broken promises, not being there emotionally,or what-not, the common denominator is to let a guy know - whether you've been together 3 weeks or 3 years - that if he can't keep his promises, that that won't be okay with you; there will be consequences, you won't let it slide.  Whether it's not being able to see you, affection being withheld, or not giving him time and attention, the "punishment" should fit the "crime", for lack of better words. (This could sound like emotional blackmail, but, why should you give physical or emotional affection - a "reward" - to someone who's behaving badly?)

Be firm, but not irrational. For instance, breaking up with a guy for not calling you when he said he would - after being in a 3 or 4 year relationship - would be a pretty drastic and irrational move. However, giving him an ultimatum to make some changes if he's been neglectful, abandoned you in times of need, has been lying and/or breaking promises for a period of time, wouldn't be out of line.

b) Let him know upfront what's acceptable with you, and what isn't. It's good to let a guy know from the beginning what you expect in a relationship, instead of "surprising" him later on. For instance, if you want to be able to spend time with your significant other more than three or four times a week, let him know from the beginning. You don't have to bring up this discussion right on the first date, obviously, but once things start getting serious (say, after you've had the "exclusivity" talk), it's best to be clear and honest about what you want.

c) Be consistent in your actions and reactions. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't say one thing one day, then change your mind the next. This is extremely frustrating to guys, and, he'll start to lose respect for what you say. Be consistent in your words and actions so that there's no miscommunication.

5) Learn to be open-minded. In order to keep a relationship from going stale, it's good to shake things up every once in awhile. Feel like you and your beau are stuck in a rut? Try new activities, new foods, new travel destinations, etc. Don't limit or confine yourself and your activities within a box; try doing things you wouldn't normally do, and don't be afraid to be adventurous.

6) Compromise. The ability to compromise is an important part of any successful relationship. People who have a "my way or the highway" attitude are in for a rude awakening - you will not always get your way in life, no matter how attractive, rich, smart, talented, or whatever you are. Unless you plan on dating someone who's a total doormat, learn the art of compromise. It'll do wonders for your long-term relationship skills, promise.

Related post:

- For the Ladies: How to Improve Your Relationship Skills (Part I)