For the Ladies: How to Improve Your Relationship Skills (Part I)

For New Year's, resolutions for self-improvement are usually one of the first things on everyone's minds. For many, finding love (or improving the relationship you already have) may be at the top of the list. Of course, before finding Mr./Ms. Right, you should first improve yourself to be the best possible catch you can be in order reel in your ideal mate.

For the gals, in the New Year, why not add some goals to your list that will help improve your relationship skills and increase your desirability as an awesome catch? Whether you're single or already attached, working on your relationship skills benefits both current and future relationships. Use the tips below to help further develop your skills and improve on a current, established bond, or prepare for one that may be right around the corner - you never know what changes the New Year will bring ;)

[Note: The tips below are for romantic relationships, but the majority could be applied to other types of relationships, as well.]

1) Communication. Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship; developing your skills in this area is important in maintaining a successful and healthy relationship. It helps resolve problems that are bound to arise. Some tips to help you improve your communication skills with your significant other are:

a) Work on interactive listening. Communication isn't just knowing how to express yourself well, it's 50% - if not more - knowing how to listen well to what the other person is saying. Learning how to improve your interactive listening skills can dramatically improve your communication skills, and is useful not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendships, business relationships, and many other areas of life.

Interactive listening means listening to what the other person is saying and asking the right questions and giving feedback to what's being said to keep the conversation flowing, and to make sure you fully understand the other person. In a relationship, it is very useful, because it helps avoid needless misunderstandings that can result from not fully listening to the other person.

b) If something bothers you, be upfront about it. Don't expect the guy you're dating to just figure it out. Women are naturally better than men at communication, but one problem we often have is being able to tell our partners point-blank when something's bothering us. Women sometimes expect their partners to just "figure it out" on their own, and feel that if he doesn't, that that somehow means that he doesn't care enough. This is a major problem in many relationships, and more often than not, is counterproductive and only worsens the problem.

Men aren't as intuitive as we are, so if something bothers you, tell him; don't expect him to just figure it out. Guys aren't mind readers, and if you expect yours to be, you're in for trouble. Sometimes (okay, the majority of the time), you are going to have to tell a guy point-blank if he's done something that upsets you or that you want something; otherwise, don't expect him to read between the lines - most can be pretty dense about those things. (The rest will just "play dumb" to avoid confrontation, so telling him point-blank avoids this problem.)

If something upsets you, tell him - try not to use accusatory words, but be honest with how you're feeling. Don't let it sit and stew until one day it explodes over something minor; letting him know from the get-go how you feel about something avoids misunderstandings and confrontations later on, and allows him to fix the problem before it snowballs.

c) Try not to assume. Assuming things before getting the whole story almost always leads to trouble. If there's a problem, hear him out first. Most of the time, just listening first to the other person clears up most of the issues that two people have. When you assume things beforehand, it just exacerbates the problem. Hear him out, then decide how you'll respond.

2) Work on becoming more well-rounded. Being well-rounded doesn't necessarily improve your relationship skills, but rather, it increases your overall attractiveness as a potential mate. How exciting would it be to be with someone who only had one hobby or interest?? It would get pretty boring, pretty fast! Someone who's well-rounded and has many interests and/or hobbies makes for a more fun and interesting person to be around, so learn about a variety of topics, and don't be afraid to explore new activities that you'd normally consider out of the ordinary.

3) Appreciation. A common complaint that I've heard from guy friends in relationships is not feeling appreciated enough. They will go out of their way and do sweet or nice things for their girlfriend, and will barely receive any acknowledgement or positive feedback. There's no faster way to turn off a guy's nice behavior than to just brush aside the good or sweet deeds that he does; show appreciation, and not just for "material" gifts, but for the extra effort and actions that he takes to show that he cares, as well. Sometimes, a simple, "Thank you, I really appreciate you doing that for me," is all it takes.

Related post:

- For the Ladies: How to Improve Your Relationship Skills (Part II)