Food for Thought: Has the Internet Improved Dating Intimacy, or Destroyed It?

You've probably heard this several times before, but today I'll be giving my perspective on it, and that is the effect that the internet has had on dating and intimacy.  Since the internet boom of the late 90's, socializing and connecting with others has never been the same.  In the blink of an eye, you can connect with someone halfway across the world, share thoughts, data, information, and, above all, foster a feeling of intimacy that phones and the pen-pal system of decades past could never do.  You can email, chat, video chat, and more, and with the formation of social networking sites such as Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter (and before that, Asian Avenue and Friendster), you could now "hang out" online and talk to all of your friends at once without ever stepping foot out of your bedroom.

One of the biggest changes to dating, however, that the internet brought about was internet dating sites, such as Match.com, True.com, eHarmony.com, and Plentyoffish.com.  This has revolutionized dating and the ways in which people meet potential dates.  No longer were bars and clubs the go-to location to meet a crop of fresh faces you could potentially date (or hook up with) - here was an all-new, untapped pool of seemingly endless possibilities, a way to meet people locally and even internationally, a way to learn (limited) information about someone and "screen" potentials without ever even needing to contact them.  The way we met, got to know, and kept in touch with others would never be the same.

Of course, with this new venue for meeting others, a whole new crop of problems also arose...creeps and pervs quickly found their way online, and fully took advantage of this new medium for subversive purposes.  Deceptive types (male and female) misrepresented themselves online with false/misleading information, false photos, and many more deceptive methods via the internet in order to lure dates.  People now had to use precaution when venturing out into cyberspace.

For every story about a creep or a perv, though, there was also another one of success and happiness.  Countless couples have met online, fallen in love, and lived happily ever after.  Many people use the internet to meet others, keep in touch, and socialize with great success.  So, what's the problem?  The problem is the false sense of security and accelerated intimacy that the internet can create; for people "meeting" over the internet for the first time, it's easy to establish a fast sense of intimacy and familiarity, even though you have no way of knowing whether the person on the other end is really who they say they are (we've all heard the horror tales of middle-aged, overweight balding men posing as young, hot chicks in chatrooms for kicks!). 

So, how do you bypass this problem?  You all know how I feel about internet dating, and that is I fully support it as a means to meet new people and potential dates.  The important thing to remember, though, is that the internet is a wonderful way to meet people for initial contact, to exchange information, and to keep in touch, but in order for true intimacy to be established, face-to-face contact, or "real" dates, need to occur.  Online chemistry doesn't mean much if two people have no spark once they meet in "real life".  You should also remember to properly "screen" people you meet online first (email, phone, then face-to-face - refer to my previous article on online dating for more tips) before meeting them in person, and then again, to be careful, and take everything you see in cyberspace with a grain of salt. 

The bottom line is, the internet is a wonderful way to enhance intimacy by connecting people, helping singles meet potential dates, connecting friends, family, lovers, etc., but, it cannot replace face-to-face (or real) contact.  When using online dating, learning how to distinguish between initial online sparks and real, in-person chemistry is important and crucial to success.