Food for Thought: The Mating Dance

If you've been a reader of my site for awhile now, you may have noticed that much of the advice I give for men and women are very much the same.  Sure, on the surface, it may seem different...for the guys, make a woman laugh, entertain her, be chivalrous, sweep her off her feet...for the gals, turn him on with strategic dressing, flirt, be coquettish, let him chase you...but, underneath it all, some of the most important elements remain the same for both sexes, and those elements are confidence, knowing what you want, and (in the beginning) making yourself scarce enough to leave the other person wanting more.  In other words, making yourself available enough just to let the other person get to know you, get a "taste" of being with you, but, not so available as to become undesirable, or to appear "desperate".

For instance, in my previous post about why women love bad boys, I mentioned to the guys not to plan to see a woman too often in the beginning of a courtship, that twice a week max is good enough until you two are officially an item.  For the gals, in my post on how to meet the right man by dating like a man, I mentioned that clingy behavior in the beginning of a courtship isn't appealing, and that seeing more than one person in the beginning is okay (as long as you're open about it) until you decide to become exclusive with one person. 

These tips, though different on the surface, have the same desired effect, and that is to make yourself scarce enough to show desirability...the majority of people aren't as attracted to someone who is too available in the beginning as they are to someone whom they have a chance to miss and think about, so both sexes have their own moves that contribute to the cat-and-mouse game that is dating, a back-and-forth dance you could call "the Mating Dance".

The Mating Dance is basically the beginning stage of a courtship when both people hold back just a little bit in order to keep the other party interested...this is when you refrain from calling every single day after just one date, when you don't share too much information about yourself during the first few dates, when you see each other just once or twice a week in the beginning, when you basically refrain from any clingy and/or "relationship" type behavior when you two have just begun dating.

Most people, when asked, will say that they hate games when dating, that they prefer to be straightforward and to cut through the BS, and to lay it all out on the table.  However, if you met someone who, on your second date, said that they were in love with you, the majority of people, no matter how romantic, would usually see that person as somehow less desirable. (The reasoning?  "Wow, I've already got this guy/girl hooked!  What's there to look forward to??") 

In an ideal world, being completely forthcoming with your feelings would be possible all the time...there would be no need for any kinds of games (or second-guessing), everyone would be perfectly honest with what they’re thinking and feeling at all times, and everything would work out perfectly...people who were compatible would meet, be completely honest from the get-go about how they feel, date, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Obviously, since we don’t live in an ideal world, the Mating Dance exists.

In reality, what most often happens is two will people meet, one will be instantly attracted, and the other, not as much. The one who is more smitten - usually the guy - will pursue the other person until they’ve “given in” and become attracted as well, and then the two start dating, fall in love, and so on, and so on.

The difference between pure mind games (the kind you want to avoid when dating) and “the Mating Dance” is that the former - pure mind games - are used by people hoping to gain an advantage in a situation, to have more power than the other person, and it can happen in any kind of relationship, whether it be a romantic one, a friendship, a work or business relationship, or even a family relationship. The latter, the “Mating Dance”, can happen naturally, or sometimes in a more “deliberate" matter, but it occurs to keep the other person interested in the beginning of a courtship...these two things may be misconstrued for the other, but the intention of the person is what sets them apart from one another...one is used by someone wanting power over another, and the other to attract a potential mate in the beginning of a courtship.

An important point to make is that the Mating Dance exists in order for males and females to attract members of the opposite sex, but, after a certain point in a courtship/relationship, the walls need to come down, and a more open, honest communication needs to come forth between two people in order for the relationship to grow.  The Mating Dance typically exists within the first few weeks to few months of dating (depending on the individual couple), and, after two people have been dating for awhile, the walls slowly come down, and they become more honest with how they feel after mutual trust has been established.  The Mating Dance cannot continue on forever, or else a relationship will never grow.

Understanding the Mating Dance and how to maneuver it, and knowing when to let your guard down and be honest with your feelings so that a relationship can grow, is an important part of what makes a relationship successful.  Although it can often be a fine line to walk, being aware that rules and games can (and often do) exist in the dating world - and in all types of relationships in general - helps you to be prepared in different situations, and to become your most successful with dating. Instead of resenting the rules and the fact that they exist, learn them and understand them, then use them to your advantage to get ahead in the dating game ;)