Food for Thought: Are Your Dating Expectations Too High?

(This is a new feature I'm starting that will discuss relevant dating topics that often provoke discussion.)

If you ask anyone what they expect in a potential mate, you'll most likely hear something like this...someone I'm attracted to, who's fun, smart, has similar goals and interests, and - depending on the individual - the list will vary to include other attributes tailored to the person's wants and needs. It's important to know what you want in a potential mate, and to not ever settle when dating.

However, there are some people who have what some might consider "unrealistic" expectations when it comes to dating, and, by setting their standards so high, they end up setting themselves up for failure. You know the ones. The girls who are looking for Mr. Right, who's 6'2", a successful and handsome doctor/lawyer, who's great in bed, has great fashion sense, volunteers on the weekends, and has charm to spare. Or, the guy who wants a smokin' hot girl with a minimum MBA/doctorate degree, is ambitious and traditional, will cook/clean, is a sexual minx, and is fine with keeping it casual (a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the picture!). Not only are such expectations often unrealistic, they also prevent you from noticing many great catches along the way while waiting for Mr./Ms. Right to come along.

Even if your dating "Must-Have" list isn't as lengthy as the ones above, are your dating expectations realistic, and aligned to what you truly need in a relationship? For instance, if your significant other sharing the same faith is an important factor to you, that should obviously be towards the top of your list; shared values and common beliefs should also factor in. Also, what is more important, someone whose company you thoroughly enjoy, or someone whom you find very attractive? There's no right or wrong answer, and, of course it's possible to find both, but which has a higher priority?

Another factor to unrealistic dating expectations is that people sometimes may expect more than what they currently have to offer...although sometimes a rude awakening, it's only realistic - and in one's best interest - to realize that if you expect much of a potential mate, you should also have qualities/traits of equal or greater value to offer in return. This means focusing on self-improvement in order to attract your ideal mate, not just setting the bar high and hoping for Mr./Ms. Right to come along.

For instance, a guy who wants a girl who's an 8-10 on the looks scale needs to be either very attractive himself, have a great/entertaining personality, or be successful careerwise in order to attract such a mate. Likewise, a girl who wants a successful, Ivy League-educated man must have equivalent success herself, be charming, have a great personality, or offer some other desirable trait of equivalent value, such as looks.

What this boils down to is, know what you want in a potential partner, and if your dating expectations are high, focus on improving yourself so that you can be the best possible version of yourself that you can be; as the saying goes, "If you want to get the guy/girl of your dreams, you must first become the person of theirs!"