Nov 28, 2009

Q & A - In Between

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, I met a guy a few weeks ago and we hit it off right away...I thought he was amazing and he liked me as well, too. We were dating for awhile, but didn't get to see each other very often because he works a lot, but the time we did spend together was amazing - I was so happy when we were together. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped getting in touch - I tried getting in contact with him, but I guess he was ignoring me?? At the end of the week, he finally sent me a text saying that he's been really busy with his parents, and that he promised to get in touch as soon as he's free...it's been 2 weeks since that text, and I've heard nothing back from him.

I don't really know what to do...I miss him so much. A few days ago, though, I met this guy who seems pretty interested in me, but I don't exact feel the same way, mainly because of the previous guy. This new guy has been so persistent in trying to spend time with me, though, that I figured since the first guy has totally disappeared on me, I should get to know this guy and maybe give him a chance.

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Q & A - How Do I Progress the Friendship?

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, I met this girl at a party through a mutual friend a few weeks back, and we got along pretty well...I got her number, and gave her a ride home that night (nothing happened). From that night on, we've been on the phone almost every night (she usually calls first - we've been on the phone for two hours straight once). Then one night, she asked me to hang out...we went to dinner and chilled, and had lots of fun. At the end of the night, though, nothing happened, except for a "goodbye hug".

At the moment, I feel like we are more like really good friends, rather than two people dating, and I'm having trouble taking it to the next step. We usually joke around and goof off, so I'd feel pretty random just launching into a serious talk about being interested in her....what should I do?

Sincerely,

Bryan

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Nov 24, 2009

Food for Thought: Are Your Dating Expectations Too High?

(This is a new feature I'm starting that will discuss relevant dating topics that often provoke discussion.)

If you ask anyone what they expect in a potential mate, you'll most likely hear something like this...someone I'm attracted to, who's fun, smart, has similar goals and interests, and - depending on the individual - the list will vary to include other attributes tailored to the person's wants and needs. It's important to know what you want in a potential mate, and to not ever settle when dating.

However, there are some people who have what some might consider "unrealistic" expectations when it comes to dating, and, by setting their standards so high, they end up setting themselves up for failure. You know the ones. The girls who are looking for Mr. Right, who's 6'2", a successful and handsome doctor/lawyer, who's great in bed, has great fashion sense, volunteers on the weekends, and has charm to spare. Or, the guy who wants a smokin' hot girl with a minimum MBA/doctorate degree, is ambitious and traditional, will cook/clean, is a sexual minx, and is fine with keeping it casual (a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the picture!). Not only are such expectations often unrealistic, they also prevent you from noticing many great catches along the way while waiting for Mr./Ms. Right to come along.

Even if your dating "Must-Have" list isn't as lengthy as the ones above, are your dating expectations realistic, and aligned to what you truly need in a relationship? For instance, if your significant other sharing the same faith is an important factor to you, that should obviously be towards the top of your list; shared values and common beliefs should also factor in. Also, what is more important, someone whose company you thoroughly enjoy, or someone whom you find very attractive? There's no right or wrong answer, and, of course it's possible to find both, but which has a higher priority?

Another factor to unrealistic dating expectations is that people sometimes may expect more than what they currently have to offer...although sometimes a rude awakening, it's only realistic - and in one's best interest - to realize that if you expect much of a potential mate, you should also have qualities/traits of equal or greater value to offer in return. This means focusing on self-improvement in order to attract your ideal mate, not just setting the bar high and hoping for Mr./Ms. Right to come along.

For instance, a guy who wants a girl who's an 8-10 on the looks scale needs to be either very attractive himself, have a great/entertaining personality, or be successful careerwise in order to attract such a mate. Likewise, a girl who wants a successful, Ivy League-educated man must have equivalent success herself, be charming, have a great personality, or offer some other desirable trait of equivalent value, such as looks.

What this boils down to is, know what you want in a potential partner, and if your dating expectations are high, focus on improving yourself so that you can be the best possible version of yourself that you can be; as the saying goes, "If you want to get the guy/girl of your dreams, you must first become the person of theirs!"

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Nov 21, 2009

How to Stay Out of the "I Would Never Have Sex With You" Zone

Most guys have probably heard this before, that most women, within the first 10 minutes of meeting a guy, decides whether or not she would ever have sex with him. To some extent, this is true. Yes, it sounds drastic, but, first impressions are very important.

For those who don't automatically fall into the "I don't know if I'd date you, but I might hook up with you" category purely by default of good looks, you're in luck! There are other ways to increase your chances of avoiding the "I would never have sex with you" zone when first meeting a woman (and thereby, increasing your chances of attracting and possibly scoring a date with her). They are:

1) If you meet a woman who's attractive and obviously gets hit on all the time, refrain from drooling all over her. Refrain from using the clich├ęd lines she's probably heard a million times before, such as, "You are so hot!" or "You're the most beautiful girl here." Yes, it's nice to give compliments, especially if they're sincere, but lines like those aren't very original, and she'll probably think they're cheesy or that you're trying to get in her pants. (For examples on the right kind of compliments to give a woman, click here.)

2) Make her laugh. Women love men who can make them laugh. Instead of putting the moves on her (in an oh-so-obvious way), entertain her, make her laugh. Be random, and use backhanded compliments or cockiness to tease her. For more examples on the different kinds of humor that attract women, click here.

3) Don't be creepy. Nothing gets you into the "I would never have sex with you" zone faster than giving off a "creepy" vibe when first meeting a woman. Ensure you don't by following the next few rules: no prolonged staring, no uninvited, "accidental" touching. Don't act "possessive" upon first meeting a woman, and definitely don't expect anything in return for any niceness/generosity you may show (such as buying drinks at a bar, covering a tab, etc.). It'll seem as if your generosity had a hidden motive, and if there's one thing that will instantly turn a woman off, it would be that!

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Nov 18, 2009

Q & A - Disappearing Act

Q. Dear Alannah,

I've been dating someone for a little over 2 months now, and we see each other about once or twice a week (we both have kids, and each have custody of them). On Saturday, we had a great date. As we were ending the date, he suggested we get together the next day on Sunday to take my dog for a nature walk. I said okay, and he said that he'd call. He did call on Sunday morning, and texted a few times while shopping for his kids. Then, he sent a text later that night saying he was sorry about the walk...basically, he blew it off, and without a proper reason, which surprised me, because he has always been very good about keeping his word.

After that, he sent a text late on Monday night, and hasn't called or texted since then. So, what the heck is going on here? Things were going so well, and it suddenly seems now like he is backing off. Is he just busy, or am I being dumped? Yes, I know this might seem like an overreaction, given it's only been 2 days, but this is totally uncharacteristic for this guy, so I am a little confused, to say the least. I've gotten advice from friends to call and say "Wtf??", and also advice to wait it out and do nothing.

How long is this supposed to go on for without me hearing anything from him? How am I supposed to feel about this behavior? I've been "trained" (for lack of a better word) to expect daily contact, so when it gets pulled away (and calls/texts I send his way are ignored), what am I supposed to do?

Sincerely,

Mandy

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Nov 16, 2009

Cheap Dates Part II

In this economy, saving a buck or two wherever you can is at the top of everyone's mind; that's why date-planning shouldn't cause you stress. When you want to plan a fun date, but don't want to blow big bucks, there are many date ideas you can choose from which won't empty your pocket. Below are just a few cheap, creative date ideas that won't set you back much, if at all!

1) Free night at the museum. Many cities have museums that have a free night once a week or once a month, so look up local museums in your area, and "get cultured" with your date by hitting the museum to check out the latest exhibits.

2) Learn a new hobby together. Check out your local recreation center to see if they offer any free guitar lessons, pottery classes, or cooking classes that you and your date can attend together. It's a great way to learn a new hobby and have fun. Expanding your horizons while having fun with your date - what's not to love?

3) Look up free shows. Many major musical acts will sometimes tour and throw free shows (as a promotion for albums and such), so check events schedules at performance centers in your area for free shows. (The All-American Rejects was in Dallas recently and had a free concert.) Get tickets and show up early, though, because anything free is bound to go fast!

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Nov 13, 2009

Articles You Should Check Out

Kissing: a way to show affection, a sign of love (or lust), the universal way for couples to say "I love you" without actually saying it, or to some, just a way to "warm up" before gettin' down to business! Whatever your feelings about it, there's always room to learn more about it and how to do it better ;)

9 Things You Didn't Know About Kissing

As if you needed a reason, here are some surprising health benefits to having sex:

10 Suprising Health Benefits of Sex

Fellas, do you agree that these hobbies make a woman sexier?  (Hint: most of them relate to hobbies that would increase bedroom skills! ;))

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Nov 11, 2009

Q & A - For the Love of Heels

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have a little issue - my girlfriend and I got in to an argument recently, and I'll admit, it was my fault. We're currently in a long distance relationship at the moment (she went overseas a few months ago for work and will be back in a few months), and I mentioned to her recently over the phone that I loved some heels a female friend of mine had on.

The issue here is that I like heels...I think they're hot on a girl! I always comment on either heels on girls or even just ones in the store - I just like heels! My girlfriend doesn't like this at all! She doesn't really wear them. (It's like that Taylor Swift song!) I really like my girlfriend, though, and am not trying to change her - I don't want her to wear them if she doesn't want to! I'm not expecting her to!

So, a few weeks ago she got really mad at me when I mentioned my friend's shoes. My question is, is it bad that I check out a girl's shoes? I get why she's mad, because when checking out a girl's shoes, I'm bound to check out her body as well, which I have been doing a lot recently. It's bad, and I'm doing my best not to.

So, if I keep having the urge to check girls out, does that mean that I'm not happy with my girlfriend? I don't get it - is there something I can do about this? It's horrible - it's like I have a heel/hot girl radar...sometimes I don't even realize I'm checking a girl out. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Hot For Heels

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Nov 9, 2009

Style Files: November '09 Women

Winter is right around the corner, so time to stock up on warm outerwear for the season. This season's picks won't disappoint, with many different looks, styles and inspirations to choose from that will satisfy the cravings of all fashionistas for stylish protection from the elements.

1) Outerwear. Outerwear trends for Fall '09/Winter '10 include a variety of different styles that run the gamut from dramatic and elegant to fun and flashy. Whatever your taste, there's sure to be something for everyone!

a) Capes, capelets, and cloaks. This is one of my favorite outerwear trends to come along in awhile - capes, capelets and cloaks add a sense of drama to any outfit, as well as infuses elegance into your every day look with minimal effort on your part. Choose a capelet for wear to work or a cloak out for your night on the town and you'll be sure to turn quite a few heads!



Capes on various designer runways.

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Nov 7, 2009

Q & A - Timing Issues

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, this guy I kind of had a little thing for asked me out a little while ago. However, at the time I was dating someone, so I'd told him, "I'd love to, but just as friends. I'm seeing someone right now," and he had said he understood, and that it wasn't a problem. Anyhow, as luck would have it (or maybe not so much) that relationship I was in ended, and after some time, I'm still interested in going on a date with this other guy.

However, how should I tell him that I'm not seeing anyone else and would love to go on a date with him, without seeming like I'm jumping from one guy to the next? I just want to see if he's still interested, and am trying to think of the best way to do it. What do you suggest?

Sincerely,

Helen

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Nov 4, 2009

Mistakes Girls Make When First Dating a Guy (Part II)

In my previous post, I discussed common mistakes girls make when first dating a guy, and why they should be avoided. Today, I'll be continuing my discussion of more mistakes to avoid when first dating someone new.

6) Not trusting your gut instinct. If your gut instinct is telling you a guy is trouble, then he probably is. With relationships and love, it’s better to be cautious in the beginning than to regret later. If a guy is in to you, he’ll be patient in winning you over. Watch his actions, not his words. You think he’s not being upfront about something? Don’t just ignore it – ask yourself why you’d feel that way, and then be cautious. You rarely ever hear someone say, “I wish I hadn’t gone with my gut instinct,” but rather, the other way around.

7) Letting him slide on the "little things". He says he is going to call you after work tomorrow night. You wait by the phone, and 7 pm rolls around. Then 8 pm. Then 9. Next thing you know, it's 11, and not a sign of him -- no call, no text. Then he calls you the next evening and says, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I was SO tired after work, I got home and just knocked out!" You say, "It's okay, I understand," and let it slide.

The next week, it happens again. This time, he doesn't acknowledge it until you point it out. Same story, same excuse. "It's just a phone call," you tell yourself. Why be so anal about it and give him a hard time? Besides, you like him so much, why should you ruin things by being demanding, especially when you two aren't even official yet?

Because, if he can't even keep small promises like making a phone call - especially at the beginning - how is he going to be able to keep the bigger ones later on??

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Mistakes Girls Make When First Dating a Guy (Part I)

When you're first dating someone new, it's so easy to get caught up in the moment -- you've met a new guy, and he's wonderful...fun, handsome, makes you laugh, and, knocks you off your feet. It's so easy to be tempted to throw all caution to the wind and just live in the moment, do what feels right at the time and forget everything else.

As tempting as that may be to do, though, it's always best to keep in mind a few things when first dating someone new, some common mistakes females make when first dating a guy that can hurt her, and the blossoming relationship, in the long-run. Here, common mistakes girls make when first dating a guy, and why they should be avoided.

1) Ditching your girl friends for him. Good friends are hard to find; don't ditch your girls just because you're seeing someone new. This is something that most females, especially early on, usually have done at one time or another, although most of the time, it truly is unintentional. You meet someone new, he is amazing, you're falling head over heels, and soon enough, you're spending all of your time together, and your friends start feeling neglected. As wonderful as love (or like, or even lust!) can be, it's always a bad idea to neglect your friendships when involved with someone new. There are several reasons, but some of the top ones include:

a) If things don't work out between you and the guy, you'll turn around one day and your girl friends will be nowhere to be found, or they're completely distant from you, and it can be a long road to re-establishing that bond.

b) It's not healthy to spend all of your time with just one person, no matter how great things are in the beginning (there definitely can be too much of a good thing).

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