Oct 31, 2009

Q & A - My Boyfriend Watches Porn, and I Hate It

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have a problem...my boyfriend watches porn, and I hate it. Whenever I catch him watching it, my self-esteem drops. It makes me think I'm not pleasing him, or that I am not good enough (in bed). I've tried to get over this, but it is very difficult. I've confessed to him how I feel about this and that I don't like it, and he told me that he would stop watching it. He said for my sake that he'd stop watching it, but I caught him again. I don't want to make a big deal of this issue, but it affects me so much. How should I deal with this, and what can I do to make him stop?



A. Dear Melissa,

This is a topic that can be a very sensitive one between men and women...the majority of women dislike porn and view it as something that's negative in their relationship, and are offended to know that their man watches it.  They see it as a sign that their guy isn't sexually satisfied with them and that's why watch it. The reality is, the majority of guys watch porn, whether or not they're in a relationship....most females don't see why a guy would do this when he is already sexually active in his own relationship, but, the majority of the time, this has nothing to do with the girl they're with and whether or not she satisfies them, but more to do with having a natural, healthy sexual appetite.


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Oct 28, 2009

Q & A - Library Love

Q. Dear Alannah,

I am interested in this guy at school. He's in one of my classes. I do the friendly flirting, wear cute outfits, make conversation, smile a lot, ask about his day/life, etc. But, how do I get him interested enough in me to ask me out?

He's smart and quiet in general, but is talkative with friends. He works at the school library, so I've been dropping by when he works to check out or return books, and I've been striking up conversation with him. Usually we talk about class, common interests, potential Halloween costume ideas, friends that we have in common, etc. I do this frequently. Today he told me that he was working and that I should drop by and visit him at work (which I did)...so I'm pretty sure he's on to my really obvious plan...I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

I know he's single and not dating anyone. We have a mutual friend. Should I just ask the mutual friend to tell the guy that I have a crush on him? Or is that a bad idea? What do you do to get a guy that you like to ask you out?


In Limbo

A. Dear In Limbo,


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Oct 26, 2009

Best Date Spots: Boston

Often referred to as the "Unofficial Capital of New England", Boston is one of the oldest cities in America, rich with history, culture, beautiful architecture and gorgeous scenery, making it an ideal place for a first date. A true New England town through and through, Boston has many wonderful sights and sounds that will easily keep you and your date very occupied. Below are some of the best spots to check out around town.

1) Sonsie - An upscale casual dining restaurant loved by locals, Sonsie has wonderful food and a lively, fun atmosphere you'll thoroughly enjoy. The dark, classic American decor and candlelit tables create an intimate setting that's classy and romantic. The upstairs dining area is great for mingling (with a happening bar scene at night), while the wine room downstairs is quiet and intimate, perfect for couples. The front part of the restaurant has an open-air seating area with a nice view that's great for people watching.

On the menu is an American-blend cuisine with a strong Italian influence. Start out with Skillet-Steamed Mussels (with chardonnay, aromatics, beurre blanc, and garlic toast) or Flash-Fried Calamari (served with hot cherry peppers, lemon tartar sauce, and fried parsley). For your main course, the Adobo Chicken Ravioli (with black beans, tomatillos, and queso fresco) and Grilled Swordfish (served with citrus butter, crab sweet potato hash, and batter-fried fennel) are flavorful choices sure to satisfy.

The dessert menu has rich, decadent choices such as Hazelnut Crème Brulee (with cinnamon palmiers and hazelnut clusters) and Black Cherry Sorbet (with lychee, broken meringue, and yuzu caramel) that you'll love sharing with a date.

2) The Upper Crust - Famous for its thin crust pizzas, this pizza joint off Branch and Chestnut in the Beacon Hill neighborhood has customers raving for its creative pizza selections and friendly service. The restaurant has a bright, airy feel, with the large glass front creating an inviting space. The delectable pizza pies here have customers returning time and again, and the wide variety of different topping combinations will have your head spinning. Whether you're a pepperoni and cheese kinda gal or pile-on-the-meat-toppings kinda guy, the pizzas here are made to order, and include the usual toppings such as sausage, mushrooms, and pepperoni, as well as specialty toppings such as baby clams, shrimp, scallops and veal.


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Oct 24, 2009

Q & A - How Do I Get Over My Ex-Boyfriend?

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, I need advice on how to get over this guy...it's a long story, but basically, I liked him for the longest time before we started dating (two and a half years, to be exact). When we finally got together, the relationship was short-lived, but I was very happy with him during that time. Well, he ended up breaking things off, and it's been almost a year now, but I still can't forget about him. I still have very, very strong feelings for him, and I don't know how to get over it. I think about him constantly, and my friends all say I should move on, but I don't know how.

The thing that makes it more complicated is that we're both still friends, and he wants us to remain friends, too. My girl friends have been saying to keep my distance, but I don't want to do that; I still want to have him in my life as a friend. What can I do to get over him, and yet still maintain our friendship?


Can't Get Over It

A. Dear Can't Get Over It,

I hate to break it to you, but your girl friends are right; the only way that you will ever be able to get over him is if you cut off all contact with him, if only for a little while (I lie, longer than a little while!). There is no way you are going to be able to move on if you keep him in your life right now. It might seem drastic - cutting off all contact - but if you're honest with yourself, the reason you're still friends with him right now is probably to see if there's a chance that you two will get back together again...you may be secretly hoping he'll change his mind and want to get back together, but the truth is, it probably won't happen, so the longer you hold on, the more hurt you will get.


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Oct 22, 2009

Q & A - My Boyfriend Won't Tell His Ex He Has a Girlfriend

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have a problem. I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now, and everything seemed to be going great. We got along very well, I was feeling very happy with him, and I could see the relationship heading somewhere. Then one day, I saw his phone and noticed all these texts from this other woman. I asked him who she was, and he said it was his ex-girlfriend. This made me really upset, and I asked him how often they talk. He said every once in awhile, but that it's nothing. I asked him if she knew he had a girlfriend, and he said no. I told him he should tell her, but he refused to, and wouldn't give me a straight answer why. He just said he didn't see a reason to, and that he wasn't going to. He said he could date her right now if he wanted to, but he doesn't want to, he wants to be with me, so I left it alone. There was also another girl who had been calling him for awhile (constantly!), until I finally told him to tell her he has a girlfriend, which he did, so she finally stopped calling.

Well, then yesterday, I was over at his place, and the little girls from next door came over to play with his daughter (she's about 5), and one of them (who's 7) said something that made me very upset. They asked if I knew that he has other girls who come over a lot. Then they named the one I saw from the texts, his ex, and this made me so angry. I confronted him about it, but he said something that did make sense; he said that she hasn't been over in a year, and that they're young kids, so they remember stuff from awhile back and feel like it was yesterday. Still, I told him that he needed to tell his ex that he has a girlfriend now, but he still refused. I was so upset, I left the house but was still talking to him, and he closed the door behind me. I called him about half an hour later to let him know if he would just tell her he has a girlfriend, I won't be mad anymore, but he didn't pick up. That was yesterday, and he still hasn't tried calling me.


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Oct 19, 2009

10 Things to Say That Will Piss Off Your Girlfriend

1) Asking her, "Are you PMSing???" when she's mad or upset about something.

2) "So what if I think she's hot?? I'm dating YOU, not her."

3) Prefacing something you're about to tell her with, "Now, don't get mad and freak out like you always do, but..."

4) "You really think you should eat that, baby? You know that will only make you pack on the pounds, right?"

5) Telling her while with a group of people, "But you just said the other day that (fill in the name of casual acquaintance here) annoys you, why are you inviting him/her to your party??"

6) "My mom loved your cooking the other night -- she did say you have room for improvement though, and that you should come over sometime and she'd teach you!"

7) "See, I knew you'd be cool with me going on the all guys trip! Gary was so wrong, saying you'd never allow it!"

8) "My sister didn't really like you when we first got together, but I think you've grown on her now that you let her borrow your clothes."

9) "I always thought I'd end up with someone taller/more domestic/more in to sports, but I'm still glad I have you!"

10) "My mother really loved my ex-girlfriend, and I don't think anyone else will ever be good enough for me in her eyes, but hey, you can try!"


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Oct 17, 2009

Q & A - Long-Distance Communication Issues

Q. Dear Alannah,

My girlfriend and I are currently in a long-distance relationship. Our situation is only temporary because she went to China to work for awhile, and she's staying for half a year. She's been there for two months now, and lately, we've been having issues. She's works a lot, so she has a fairly busy schedule.

There are a few problems - the first is the fact that it's so hard for us to stay in touch. Our free times don't match at all...I used to wake up at 4 am to talk to her, but I got really burnt out doing so. If I don't wake up, though, I wouldn't be able to talk to her until the weekend! We use Twitter to stay in touch as well. It's great for texting each other.

Lately, though, I've become really frustrated, and I don't reply to messages sometimes, or to emails...It's so bad. I'm super busy nowadays, but I used to be very prompt with replying even when I was busy back then. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I feel I put more effort in to the relationship lately than she does.

The major problem that is frustrating me so much is that she doesn't listen when we talk on the phone (and that's a big problem if you're dating long-distance and can't see one another). It's like she's distracted and doesn't care about what I'm talking about...it happens pretty frequently! One time I actually said, "You're not listening...you're STILL not listening!!!" She answers, "Yeah yeah, I heard you, something about your uncle and interest payments...this meat bun is soooo good!" Wtf??


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Oct 15, 2009

Style Files: October '09 Men

Cold weather is rapidly settling in, which means time for a rotation in your closet -- put away those tanks, tees, and shorts, and update your wardrobe with some of the season's hottest cold weather looks, including updated suits and casual clothes with a stylish twist!

1) Men's suit trends. Men's suiting and formal wear trends don't change often and usually last for several years, but this year marks a definitive change in the style of men's suiting that gives a fresh look using old elements. The defining changes in men's suiting for this year include:

a) Fine tailoring. The new suits are more finely tailored, with broader shoulders, tighter waists, and slimmer trousers, for a better fit that flatters the wearer; it makes the wearer appear more well-built and leaner, which is never a bad thing!

(If you don't want to splurge on a new suit for the season, bring an old favorite in a classic pattern to a nearby tailor to have the waist brought in and trousers slimmed down and voila! An updated suit at a fraction of the cost!)

Tom Ford Spring 2009 Collection


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Oct 13, 2009

Style Files: October '09 Women

With Fall currently in full swing and temperatures rapidly dropping outside, it's time to put away those "in-between-seasons" clothes and bring out your Fall clothing. This season's selections however don't skimp on sex appeal, and with the short hemlines, skin-baring cuts, sheer fabrics, and dipping necklines abounding, you'd think it was summer all over again! Wear something skin-baringly sexy underneath, and cover up with one of the season's latest coats or jackets to keep warm...you'll be sure to look extra-hot on your date or out and about! ;)

1) Accordion-pleat necklines. The structural elements popular in many of the clothes of the past Spring continue to be very popular in Fall's clothing trends, featuring beautifully sculpted, accordion-pleat tops and dresses that are both elegant and sexy. The pleats beautifully highlight the sexy décolletage area without revealing too much, making them flattering for both flat-chested and busty gals alike.


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Oct 9, 2009

Q & A - My Girlfriend Has Too Many Guy Friends

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for about a year - she's hot, social, and very outgoing. Before we got together, she would go out often, and had many guy friends. Now that we're together, that hasn't changed. Her having guy friends, that is. She doesn't go clubbing every weekend anymore like she used to, but her guy friends still call her every weekend when we're together, and it pisses me off. She doesn't pick up when they call (when I'm with her, anyways), but it still really irritates me.

I've told her to change her number, but she won't. I've told her about how I've basically cut off all contact with my female friends, and I don't see why she won't do the same with her guy friends. She refuses to see why it would bother me that her guy friends call her every weekend to come out and hang out, and I've even considered picking up sometime when they call and telling them to lay off (one of them called three times in one day when I was with her, even when she didn't pick up!!).

This guy friend and phone issue has gotten so bad to the point where once when we were arguing about it, I was telling her to change her number again and she said if I was so unhappy about her having guy friends that we could break up if I wanted. (For the record, I don't want to break up.) What should I do to get her to see where I'm coming from?


One Annoyed Boyfriend


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Oct 8, 2009

Moves That Will Make Her Swoon (Part II)

Today, I'll be continuing my discussion of moves you can use on a date that will leave her swooning!

6)The slightly "disheveled" look. When a guy has a slightly "undone" look to his overall appearance, it can look very sexy! The "I just rolled out of bed, threw something on, but still look hot" look. Of course, you don't want to look like a bum, so there's a fine line to walk. What you'll want to do is wear a pulled-together or stylish outfit, and have some "unkempt" elements to your look that balances out the "polished" factor; it gives off a confident, relaxed vibe that women find so appealing.

Use one or two of the tips below at most to look just unkempt enough to pull off this look - all four and you'll just look messy like you didn't try!

a) The 5'o clock shadow. All I have to say is - SO. DAMN. SEXY! A guy who can properly rock a 5'o clock shadow looks so hot, it hurts! Of course, the clean-shaven look can also be very attractive, but a 5'o clock shadow on a guy every once in awhile gives off a very "manly" vibe that's so hard to resist. (Think of Armani cologne ads and how most of the male models always slightly rock the facial hair...they look sleek and stylish, and yet strong and masculine at the same time.)

b) Sleeves rolled up to expose forearms. Women love seeing exposed forearms on a guy (especially toned forearms), because again, it emphasizes a guy's masculinity, and, just makes you want to reach out and touch them!


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Oct 5, 2009

Moves That Will Make Her Swoon (Part I)

Many men wonder what it is exactly that sweeps a woman off her feet...is it charm, good looks, humor, an exciting personality, or, knowing how to say just the right thing at the right time? Why is it that some guys - who may not have all the qualities you'd think women want, such as looks, money, fame or power - seem to wield some kind of "magic" that makes them so irresistible to women? Their secret is part intuition, part practice, and part trial-and-error, but, what it definitely isn't is unattainable. Today's post will be about tips you can use that will leave her swooning! (Part 1 of 2.)

1) Be decisive. Women like men who are decisive and know what they want -- it shows confidence and a sense of purpose. There's a fine line to walk, of course...you don't want to come across as being pushy, and yet also wouldn't want to be seen as being "wishy-washy". The idea is to not be afraid to take the lead during your date. With things such as plans for the night and what to do, think of an idea and follow through with it.

[Note: A good guideline for first dates to "feel out" your date - not in that way, perv! - to see where she stands, and to see how "take charge" you can be without seeming pushy is to ask ahead before the date to see if she has any preference for the night's plans. If she says no, tell her you have something planned, then keep it a surprise. Think of something creative, or that you think she'll like and follow through with it.]


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Oct 2, 2009

How to Drive Him Crazy On a Date

So, you just got a date with that guy you've had your eye on for ages, and can't wait for the weekend to come! You have the time, place, and date set, and now on to that crucial, most important question...how to blow him out of the water during your date?

Below, some tips to use during your date that will drive him crazy!

1) Dark eye make-up. Men love dark eyes. It's sexy, alluring, and draws them in. Go for a smokey-eye look and light on your lips, and you'll be sure to have him mesmerized all night long!

For tips on how to get the smokey eye look, click here.


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