Sep 21, 2009

Things That Scream "Douche(bag)!"

In a world where shows such as "Tool Academy" and "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" are becoming more commonplace, you have to notice an unsettling trend in the mainstream media, and, even more unsettling, in real life, in the clubs, bars, restaurants, malls, and other establishments that we frequent (and even the streets that we walk)...that trend I'm referring to is "the douche(bag) trend". It started with "faux" celebrities such as K-Fed and any number of the reality TV "celebrities" on VH1. It's now overtaken your hometown establishments and weekend night haunts.

The Urban Dictionary definition of a douchebag:

“An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence [sic], behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.”

My post today is one part "what not to wear/do/say" for the guys, one part "who not to date" for the ladies. (Kidding! Douchebags need love, too!)

Below, 10 telltale signs a guy is a douche:

1) Unbuttoning his shirt 3 buttons down from the top, with no t-shirt underneath...if we have a nice, full view of your perfectly waxed chest, you're showin' way too much!

2) Ed Hardy anything. Period.

3) The "douchestache".

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

4) Guys who go tanning (yes, we can tell the difference!).

5) Guys who trade sex stories with other guys in the company of females, thinking it'll make them seem cool, or like a bad boy or "player".

Newsflash: Women usually surmise that if a guy is bragging, he probably ain't really gettin' any. (Real players try to keep their shit on the DL!)

6) Guys who, instead of posing normally in pics and simply smiling, do ridiculous looking poses such as the "pucker and point" (example below).

Other douchebag traits also present (fake tans, unbuttoned shirts, etc.)

7) Hitting on a girl, then turning around and hitting on her best friend/sister/cousin, thinking they're too dumb to figure it out.

8) The popped collar.

(This one takes the cake!)

9) Referring to women in derogatory terms such as "sluts" and "hoes", especially in the company of other women.

10) Guys who dis/insult a girl for rejecting his advances on her; take it like a man and walk away, even if she's a b*tch about it - it'll make her look bad, not you.


Lexa Li said...

Good advice!!

forlornfate said...

Lmfao, narrowed it down to every guido in Jersey. Good job.

Thien-Thanh said...

love it!

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