Aug 31, 2009

Things Women Think Are Sexy (But Men Hate)

Between the two sexes, men definitely have it easier (when it comes to beauty regimes and preparation, anyways!). We women slave, primp, prepare, practically starve, and force ourselves into semi-torture devices (4-inch stilettos, anyone??) in order to look good for men. But, did you know that some of your efforts might be wasted? Some beauty regimes, when taken to the extreme, have the opposite effect of turning men off instead of on.

Below, some things that women might think are sexy, but men don't!

1) Overtanning. Think Katie Price. Tans are cool; tans gone overboard to the extreme definitely are not, not to mention bad health- and beautywise long-term (what with cancer risks and premature skin aging from sun exposure). A nice tan doesn't leave you looking orange or with weird, splotchy edges near the hairline. Usually, going one or two shades darker (possibly three) looks more "natural" - anything significantly darker just screams "overtanned"!

Good.



Bad.

2) Hair extensions. This one here is definitely debatable - to me, hair extensions are fun (even though I've never gotten them, but wouldn't mind trying if I ever cut my hair short again), but in general, anything that is overtly fake on a female is usually a turn-off for most guys. What I'm saying is, hair extensions done right look attractive...hair extensions done wrong (where there is a bad blending job, the roots are showing, or even worse, the extensions aren't secured properly!) would definitely be considered a turn-off.



Good.



Bad.

3) A face full of make-up. Enough make-up to complement and highlight a woman's best features is good; too much to where she's unrecognizable without it is bad. Guys usually don't mind if a woman wears make-up - just the idea of half of her "face" rubbing off on him after a good make-out session isn't the sexiest image.

Most guys want it both ways...they love how women look with make-up, just as long as it's not "overdone". The idea is, as long as the make-up is blended well and she still looks recognizable without it, it's all good!



Good.



Bad.

4) Fake eyelashes. Notice a theme here? Now, I have nothing against fake eyelashes (have worn them myself now and again), but if you do wear them, try going for more "natural" looking ones (ones that have different lengths or are in separate "pieces", not ones in a strip that are all one length). Fake eyelashes that are "overtly" fake are definitely considered a turn-off to most guys. Also, secure them firmly in place on your lashline - nothing's worse than having them fall off or come loose (unbeknownst to you) in the middle of a date!



Good.



Bad.

5) Rock-hard fake boobs. Now, I'm not dissing on boob jobs in general, don't get me wrong; I have nothing against plastic surgery - definitely, to each their own. But, there is a definite difference between a good boob job and a bad one (think Adriana Lima vs. Tara Reid). Men usually aren't as good at spotting the good ones from the bad ones just by looking (unless they're obviously wonky like Tori Spelling's) as women are, unless they have up close experience, if you know what I mean! But, from what I've heard from guys who've dated girls with boob jobs, if they're fake, it's more appealing to them if they aren't rock-hard to where a quick turn will knock bystanders over!



Good.



Bad.

6) Fake nails. Men don't like the idea of anything overtly fake on a woman (even though they like the overall "look" that those "fake" things provide!). Most guys don't care if women have fake nails, again, as long as they look natural. Anything too obvious or that screams "press-ons" definitely wouldn't be considered sexy!



Good.



Bad.

7) Clothes so tight it gives you a second back. Form-fitting, figure-hugging clothes are sexy...clothes that feel like bondage wrap that gives you spillage where there should be none (i.e. the back, sides, underarms, etc.) are not. Even the slimmest female can look "bigger" than her normal size by wearing clothes that are too tight; clothes should be figure-hugging, not leave indentions in your body. A good way to determine if an outfit is too tight: if you try it on and know that eating a small meal or drinking two martinis will have you busting at the seams, it's probably time to change outfits!



Good.



Bad.

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Aug 29, 2009

Best Date Spots: Los Angeles

Los Angeles: glamorous, unofficial capital of the West Coast, and official Movie Capital of the World. Aside from Vegas, it is hard to think of any other U.S. city which instantly conjures up images of glitz, glamour, fun, and decadence (except maybe Miami).

Today, I'll be covering some of the best date spots in the City of Angels to enjoy with your date (and maybe spot a celebrity or two!).

1) Katsuya - An upscale, aesthetically pleasing Japanese cuisine restaurant in downtown L.A. (with three other locations in and around Los Angeles County in Brentwood, Glendale, and Hollywood), Katsuya is just as renowned for its exquisite cuisine as it is for its trendy, upscale environment, not to mention the many celebrities that constantly frequent the establishment! Don't be surprised if you see paparazzi camped outside as you walk in, waiting for the next big name to arrive or walk out the doors.

Beautifully designed by world-renowned designer Philippe Starck, the interior is sleek, beautifully lit, and highlighted by oversized mod-art on the walls. A trendy, hip place right in the heart of downtown L.A., you'll enjoy the scene here as much as you do the delicious food.

On the menu is a mouthwatering array of tantalizing choices to choose from that will impress even the most "experienced" of sushi connoisseurs, with creative experiments blending Eastern cuisine with "Western" elements. Start out with some Crab and Mozzarella Cheese Tempura; next, try the Miso Marinated Black Cod. For meat lovers, the Kobe beef here is some of the finest you'll find in the area, with your choice of three different dishes from which to choose.

If you're in the mood for sushi, try the Sunset Roll (sweet freshwater eel, crunchy cucumber, and avocado drizzled in eel sauce) or Blue Crab Roll. For those who love variety, the Katsuya Bento box (which has Miso Cod, vegetable and shrimp tempura, assorted sashimi, tamago, albacore meatballs, nimono and sunomono) is sure to please.

2) Pizzeria Mozza - More than just your ordinary pizzeria, this little Italian eatery will redefine the way you view America's favorite comfort food. Located off Highland Avenue (around the corner from Melrose), the restaurant's pizza pies are loved by both locals and tourists alike. The restaurant has a cozy, inviting feel, and on the weekends is packed almost to capacity, so arrive early!

The interior has contrasting, brightly colored walls and mood lighting that perfectly sets the mood, with wine racks on the end walls and an open kitchen allowing diners to watch as the chefs create their delicious creations in the wood-burning oven.

The wide variety of different pizzas available here include classics such as the Margherita pizza, as well as Fennel Sausage pizza (with panna, red onions and scallions) and Prosciutto di Parma (with rucola, tomato & mozzarella). If you're in an adventurous mood, try the Ipswich clams pizza (with garlic, oregano, pecorino and parmigiano) or the "breakfast" pizza with egg, bacon, potato, and onion. Each pizza is made with a thin, crispy, crackerlike crust that perfectly complements the flavorful toppings that garnish it.

To round out your meal, try one of the restaurant's mouthwatering desserts, such as Caramel Copetta with Marshmallow Sauce & Spanish Salted Peanuts or the restaurant's signature, Butterscotch Budino - both are rich, creamy, and full of flavor!

3) Hotel Bel-Air Restaurant - For a truly romantic and intimate fine dining experience, take your date to the Hotel Bel-Air Restaurant (or dining room, located inside the Hotel Bel-Air). From the outdoor patio dining areas reminiscent of a Parisian restaurant (with multiple archways and scenic garden views), to the beautifully-presented dishes and delicate dessert pastries meant to be shared, this is the perfect setting for an intimate, one-on-one date!

The menu changes regularly with each season, but customer favorites (such as Tortilla Soup and Ni├žoise Salad), are always available. Each dish is served with great attention to detail, and customers rave for the excellent food and impressive service. Breakfast and lunch are also served. Whether or not you are staying at the Hotel Bel-Air during your trip to L.A., the restaurant here is definitely worth a visit!

4) Major Hollywood landmarks - One cannot visit Los Angeles without checking out some of the major landmarks which make the city so unique - from world famous concert halls to walkways embedded with the handprints of Hollywood's most legendary stars, one trip won't be enough to take in all the sights this city has to offer!

a) Grauman's Chinese Theatre - One of the most famous landmarks in all of L.A. (and arguably the most famous theater in the world), this lavishly designed, Hollywood landmark is a famous tourist hotspot, and frequently has media events when a major celebrity is bestowed with the honor of cementing their foot and hand prints in the theater's famous walkway.

b) Walt Disney Concert Hall - In the mood for cultural enrichment? Check out Walt Disney Concert Hall (check their site for a schedule of events). The impressively built concert hall, just a mere 6 years old, is now considered a major landmark in Hollywood, with regular concerts conducted by the Los Angeles Philharmonic Association. Built by world-famous architect Frank Gehry, the towering structure is a marvel to behold in and of itself.

b) Hollywood Boulevard - If your time in L.A. is short but you want to maximize your stay here, make Hollywood Boulevard a must-see on your list. Going for a stroll along this famous boulevard allows you to take in sights of Los Angeles's most famous landmarks (including Grauman's Chinese Theatre). Other famous landmarks along this boulevard include:
  1. Kodak Theatre
  2. Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Odditorium
  3. Hollywood Sign
  4. Capitol Records Tower
  5. Madame Tussauds
  6. Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel
5) Beaches - Los Angeles is almost as famous for its sandy beaches as it is for its star-studded, glamorous party scene. The many beaches that line the shores of the city are perfect settings for romantic picnics, building bonfires, or romantic night strolls with your date!

a) Manhattan Beach - The beautiful white sand and greenery along this beach make it a haven even for locals. The water is clean, and the beach has a long shallow sandy break great for beginning surfers. There are also many great local restaurants and shops in the area to check out. Take your date here for the great sunset view after dinner, or for some surf and sun on a daytime date!

b) Santa Monica Beach - This beach is beautiful, and a great spot to visit on its own, but it also has the nearby Pacific Park amusement park on its pier, which is a major draw for visitors. Enjoy some volleyball, surfing, or swimming on the beach, or head over to the amusement park to enjoy one of the rides, or some miniature golf.

c) Venice Beach - One of Los Angeles's busiest and most famous beaches, Venice Beach is a great place to go people-watching. Mid-morning or later is the best time to see all of the beach-goers here. The beach has an eclectic mix of visitors that makes it a great place to just hang out and people-watch - here, you'll find artists, belly dancers, and palm readers, as well as bikini-clad rollerskaters enjoying the beach and the beautiful weather.

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Aug 26, 2009

Summer Fling or the Real Thing?

So, you've been enjoying the lazy summer days (and hot summer nights!) with a special someone...this may be the hot guy you met at a friend's party, or the cute chick you met at the bowling alley with friends - no matter. Now that summer is coming to a close, though, does that also mean your summer romance is coming to an end? Here, ways to tell if your new relationship is just a fling, or (has potential to be) the real thing!

1) Is it mostly physical? Do you spend more time making out or in bed than you do going out? Relationships that begin out mostly physical tend to fizzle out much faster than others; chemistry is definitely important, but so are shared interests and meaningful conversation. If most of your time together is spent in the bedroom, this may not be a good sign. If it's mostly spent on "real" dates, however, (such as going out to eat or to the movies, enjoying activities together, etc.) then there is definite potential for something more.

2) Do conversational topics only revolve around weekend plans? Do conversations revolve around anything other than upcoming plans for dates? Do they ever involve deeper topics, such as future goals, things that personally matter to either of you, family and/or personal backgrounds, even dating histories?

If your conversations allow you to feel as if you're connecting with the other person on more than just a surface "activity partner" level, that shows there's substance to the relationship. However, if most conversations just consist of what you did last night or what the weekend plans are, then this may be more "fling," than the real thing.

3) Has this person met any significant people in your life? That may be any of your siblings, your best friend, or, maybe even your parents. You don't have to have introduced them to your entire family, but it fares better (and shows that you subconsciously see potential) if you've at least mentioned to someone close to you that you're seeing someone. If they have been kept mostly secret, however, that isn't a good sign. Ditto also on whether or not you've met any significant people in their life (or they at least know of your existence!).

4) Have there been hints dropped about plans that extend beyond the summer? Has this person mentioned anything alluding to spending time together after summer's end? For instance, if they're visiting from out of town for the summer and will be returning home once fall arrives, any mentions of proposed visits to see one another? This isn't a make-or-break situation on determining the potential of a relationship, but having the other person (seriously) mention future plans together is always a good sign.

5) How do they respond to "the talk" at summer's end? And the final determining factor on whether or not it'll last? Their response when the subject is brought up. Don't be afraid to be straightforward about it - better to know now than 1 or 2 months down the line, right? If "the talk" about whether or not you two are exclusive hasn't come up yet, use this as a means to gauge when would be a good time to bring up the subject:

a) If you both live in the same city, after 1-2 months, it is reasonable to bring the subject up.

b) If one (or both) of you live out of town, anything over 2 weeks is fair game - it is all in the approach.

  • 2 weeks to a month - Ask if they want to continue seeing each other (try out the long-distance thing, keep in touch, plan another visit, etc.). This doesn't establish exclusivity of the relationship yet, but it's a good starting point, and shows that they see it as more than just a fling.
  • 1 month and beyond - The "exclusive" talk isn't unreasonable to bring up at this point (especially since it's long-distance, which can be pretty expensive for something casual!).

Just be forthcoming with what's on your mind - chances are, they've probably been wondering the same thing! ;)

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Aug 24, 2009

Q & A - Chasing Cars and Old Flames

Q. Dear Alannah,

So heres the scoop - four years ago I started dating my first ever girlfriend. This was my first serious relationship. We were dating for a year and then she moved away for university. She was a year older than me, and the goal was I would go to the same university.

It seemed like we were both working very hard to keep the relationship alive after she moved away. I worked a lot, but we would talk on the phone when I did midnight shifts, and I drove/bused it to see her every weekend. The year that followed was tough...I never suspected anything at all. I trusted her completely...naively I guess (you can see where this is going).

So for our 2 year anniversary, I went to surprise her - bad idea. As you can guess, she cheated on me. It was really tough because it was with a guy that I used to hang out with while she was in class. When I visited her on Fridays we would hang out and play video games in his dorm while she had class.

After I saw them, I just left the campus and went to the bus station. I waited there for her to call or me something until the last bus. She never called. Three days went by and she never called. I sent her an email and still no reply. About a week later she called me and told me that she had been feeling like breaking up for a long time, but didn't have the courage to, blah blah blah.

Well, I was really bitter towards her and hated her for a very long time. I cried almost every night for 6 or 7 months. After she called me that day, neither of us made any contact with the other. It was so hard to just cut something so important out of my life. I still think about her to this day. For about a year, it was always about what I would do/say if I saw her. I kept making up scenarios in my mind about how I would show how much of a mistake she had made.

I haven't seen her since that day. It's been two years now. I've started dating someone new recently, and things are really good. We've been dating for six months now. But every so often I still think about my ex... I always play a few songs that bring back memories. The song Chasing Cars makes me sooooo sad... it's unbelievable, but I still play it. I choose to play it. When it plays on the radio I get sad and my girlfriend always asks, "Why?" I say it's because I like the song.

So my question is, why do I still listen to those songs? I really like my current girlfriend, and she just went to Korea for 6 months recently... I've noticed that the frequency of me playing those songs and thinking about my ex has increased significantly since my girlfriend left.

I don't really know what I'm saying anymore...basically, I still think about my ex a lot, I think a bit too much. How should I handle this?

Sincerely,

Car Chaser

A. Dear Car Chaser,

I’m really sorry to hear about your situation…it sounds as if you just haven’t had the chance to get the closure you needed with your ex, and now thoughts of the relationship are still coming back to “haunt” you, even now when you’re with someone else who seems much better for you, and seems to make you much happier. The very poor way in which your ex ended the relationship (and handled the aftermath) really didn’t give you a chance to process the break-up. I think it’s really refreshing that you can be so candid about what happened.

First off stop listening to “Chasing Cars”, and any other songs that remind you of your ex! This might mean cutting out a large number of songs that you like, but so be it! (It sucks, but after a bad break-up, most of the songs that remind you of the other person are now pretty much “tainted” and should be taken off your playlist, at least until listening to them no longer has an effect on you.)

Next, do you have anything left over from the relationship? Any pictures of you and her, letters, notes, or mementos that remind you of her? Trash those. Burn them if you must (just don’t burn down the house!), but don’t keep them around. This includes digital media such as pictures, emails, and what not stored on your computer. (This might be tough, but you must get rid of any physical reminders of the relationship before you can start truly getting over it.)

Now, time for a game of “what if.” What if she were to walk back into your life right now and ask for you back? What if she were to tell you she realizes she made a huge mistake, and asks you to dump your current girlfriend and get back with her? Would you do that and take her back? Would you ever look at her the same again? Would you ever be able to trust her again, and imagine being with her without checking up on her constantly, always looking over your shoulder, wondering if every guy she’s friends with is really “just a friend,” wondering if she’ll have true regard for your feelings this time (unlike how she was when she ended things the first time)? You see where I’m going with this, right?

When you look back on a past relationship, it’s always so easy to remember the good stuff, the good times…no matter how things ended, you can easily glaze over the bad parts. But from what you’re saying, I can safely guess that during the last year of your relationship, you probably put in most of the effort, whereas she had already started “slacking” on her end. You probably hadn’t noticed it until after it was over and looked back on it, right?

If you start allowing yourself to remember all of the bad things, all of the negative things that lead up to the break-up, you’ll start to really see the relationship as it was, not how you may be idealizing it to be (which only makes you hold on longer). You’ll also start to see the person as they really were, not just an idealized version of them.

Lastly, assume to yourself that you will never see her again. This will help nix any revenge fantasies. The truth is, you probably will never see her again, and holding out hope that you will so that she’ll get to see what she’s missing out on now only holds you back, and in the end, that means she still has a hold over you (even now that you’ve moved on with someone else), which means she “wins.”

Once you start seeing everything in a different light, it’ll slowly help you to move on from it…it’ll help you finally be able to fully enjoy your current relationship, and put the old one (as well as your ex), in the past.

I hope this helps, and best of luck!

Alannah

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Aug 22, 2009

Small Dick Syndrome - Overcoming It

In my previous post, I discussed the cause of Small Dick Syndrome and why so many otherwise very eligible guys seem to be affected by this behavioral/personality disorder. Today, for those who think they may have SDS, I'll discuss how to overcome this emotionally and romantically limiting disorder and enjoy your most fulfilling dating life possible!

1) Clean up messes in your past. The majority of guys with SDS (who have at least some dating experience) almost always have something - or someone - in their past that they're holding on to, whether it's someone you've always held a torch for and never pursued, or someone you did wrong and never made amends with. You cannot move forward if you are always looking back, so this is your chance to man up and come clean!

a) Get closure with ex-girlfriends. Have an ex whom you did terribly wrong? Take the initiative to reach out to this person, and let them know that you truly apologize for any wrongdoings of the past. It will definitely be a major load off of your shoulders, whether or not they're receptive to your apology.

How they react to it is up to them, but as long as what you said is sincere, you will at least have gotten credit for trying to mend bridges.

b) Reach out to someone who's still lingering on your mind. Is there someone you've always had a thing for, but never tried pursuing? Someone who got away? Someone who comes to mind from time to time whom you haven't been able to forget? Why wait until you're married, going through a mid-life crisis, and in an unhappy marriage on the brink of divorce before reaching out to this person? Why let it linger? Take the initiative, while you still have a chance!

Even if you know that you might get rejected (but do not know for sure), the fact that this person is still on your mind shows that there were things left unsaid that probably should have been said (at least on your end) and coming clean with your feelings is the only way to - at the very least - close that chapter and move on.

Nobody likes unfinished business, and who knows? This person may just feel the same way, and that definitely wouldn't be a bad thing at all! ;)

2) Start small. No need to jump right in and start pursuing every girl in sight! Start small. Start by doing things dating-wise that you normally wouldn't have done in the past, such as openly flirting with a girl whom you find attractive. You don't need to be all over her, but be forthcoming with the fact that you are attracted to her. Whether she reciprocates or not really isn't the point (but if she does, all the better!). Just allowing yourself to freely express how you're feeling in the moment with a girl whom you're attracted to is the point of this "exercise".

If you're lucky and the first girl you approach is receptive, take the initiative and don't be afraid to ask for her number! Don't let it go to waste. There are ways to do this without coming off as overly aggressive. For tips on how to talk to women (and increase your overall attraction level), click here.

If the first few (or several) people you openly flirt with don't seem receptive, just view it as "practice". This is what every guy who has lots of "dating game" does that sets them apart from guys who don't - they don't see the misses as actual misses, but as practice leading up to a win...after all, practice makes perfect!

3) Don't take it personally. On a related note, rejection is a natural part of dating. If you plan on being successful with dating (or with anything else in life), you're going to have to be comfortable with rejection. I don't want to launch into some semi-related, offhand stories about how some of the most successful business tycoons out there faced multiple instances of rejection before stumbling upon their winning formulas (I'm pretty sure you've heard plenty of those!), but you should know that even the most attractive, charming, seductive, witty guys (and girls) out there have had to face rejection at one point or another...no one person is capable of charming everyone (even if from the outset it seems that they can)!

The difference between those guys and the average Joe Schmoe is that they don't take rejection personally, and know that just because one girl turns them down (or doesn't find them attractive), it doesn't take anything away from them or what they have to offer.

4) Take a "You never know until you try," attitude with dating. So you ask a girl out. She says no. So what? Life goes on. There will be other girls. But, if you never ask her out, you will never know if she would have said yes, and that, to me, is worse than being flat-out rejected.

[Side Note: You're probably thinking, "Easy for you to say, you're a girl -- guys are expected to do all of the pursuing, how would you know how that feels?" Well, if you're thinking that, you'd be wrong...how do you think I came to the realization that male-female relationships only work when the guy is the pursuer? Almost every modern girl has, at one time or another, been the "initiator" (or pursuer) with a guy at some point, until she finally had the dating epiphany that nature didn't program men that way, to be the "chasee," but rather, the chaser...when it comes to dating, a guy has to be the pursuer, or else it almost never works out.]

5) Stop overthinking things! Yes, that's what I said! Stop overanalyzing every little thing in your mind that a girl does or says -- this is what women do, and you see how much trouble it causes us? It's much worse when a man does this, because men are supposed to be the pursuer, and how's a guy supposed to do that when he's doubting every step he takes and move he makes? When you're constantly second-guessing yourself and the situation, you get nowhere.

See a girl you like? Ask her out. If she says no, move on to the next one. If she says yes, wonderful! If you sit there and ponder over the different scenarios, however, of what will happen if you ask her, paralyzed by the thought of hearing no (but equally afraid of hearing yes), you just make it all the more easy for some other guy to come along and "steal" her away before you've even had your chance...now, which is worse? Having someone say no, or not even having a chance to get up to bat?

6) Just do it! To borrow from Nike, after taking the steps above, the only thing left to do is to just do it! You can sit, ponder, and analyze a situation to death, but nothing happens until you've made the first move! (For tips on how to talk to and attract women, click here.)

Have fun, and best of luck! ;)

Related posts:

- Small Dick Syndrome - What Causes It?
- Small Dick Syndrome
- How to To Tell if Your Guy Has Small Dick Syndrome
- A Female's Guide to Dealing with Small Dick Syndrome Part I
- A Female's Guide to Dealing With Small Dick Syndrome Part II

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Aug 19, 2009

Small Dick Syndrome - What Causes It?

Small Dick Syndrome (SDS) is something I have mentioned several times before here, but until now, I've never discussed the cause - or reason - why it exists. As mentioned before, SDS is a behavioral/personality disorder affecting many Asian males in America today...it does not describe a guy's actual physical endowment. (Click here for a refresher on the symptoms.)

To summarize, guys with Small Dick Syndrome are virtually incapable of pursuing a woman they have a romantic interest in, are deathly afraid of opening up emotionally, rely on mind games to get what they want, and often self-sabotage relationships in order to protect their fragile egos. Today, I'll be discussing the cause of SDS and why many otherwise very dateworthy, eligible males seem to be affected by this disorder.

From my experience, SDS can mainly be found in Asian men who grew up in America. This is an important point that needs to be made - that it exists mainly in 2nd generation Asian Americans (2nd AA's) who were born and grew up here, and 1.5ers, who were brought over during childhood before adolescence, not ones who grew up overseas and came here at a later age (otherwise known as FOB's, for Fresh Off the Boat) - and the reason why will be explained later.

(Again, Small Dick Syndrome is named so because of the mindsets of those affected, and could be used to describe men of any ethnicity, not just Asian men. For the purposes and intent of this site, though, I'll describe it mainly as it pertains to Asian men.)

The main reasons why SDS exists are:

1) Racism.
2) How Asian males have been portrayed in the media and Western society.

1) Racism. The effects of racism can run deep, and those subject to it are affected in different ways; although it's currently less prevalent in our society, it does still exist, and any young, ethnic adult growing up in America within the past several decades has seen our fair share. Growing up facing social isolation, stereotypes, and prejudice can have a negative effect on anyone, but when the stereotypes also have an emasculating tone to them, the effect can be twofold on males of that group.

[Side Note: You're probably wondering why encountering racism doesn't have a similar effect on Asian females...after all, we faced the same stereotypes, ignorance, and prejudice that our male counterparts did, right? Although that may be true, when it comes to Asian female sexuality, we are not "desexualized" in the media and Western society the way that Asian men are, and, if anything, are "hypersexualized."

The negative and/or unrealistic sexual stereotypes associated with Asian women tend to swing the other way on the pendulum, and at it’s extreme, create an unrealistic portrayal of a subservient, exotic, eager-to-please, sexual "minx" who uses her sexuality to seduce white or non-Asian men. (Yellow fever, anyone??) Although not exactly the most flattering picture, it doesn't "detract" from an Asian woman’s allure, either.]

Besides just simple ignorance and racism, however, the biggest factor that may be the root cause of SDS would be the negative portrayal of Asian men in the media and society.

2) How Asian males have been portrayed in the media and Western society. If you've grown up in America within the past few decades and have access to a television, you've no doubt been exposed to the portrayals of Asian men in the media, and they are, more often than not, less than flattering. From the nerdy, awkward Asian guy who has no dating game, to the goofy sidekick constantly getting shot down by hot chicks, roles for Asian men in Hollywood are always limited, stereotypical, unflattering, and oftentimes, offensive.

I could go on about the different Asian stereotypes portrayed in the media, but I won't do that here. Instead, I will mention the most important, negative stereotypes that are the basis for why SDS exists:

a) The effeminacy of Asian men in the media.
b) Portrayals of Asian men as meek or emasculated.

c) Portrayals showing Asian men as sexually impotent and/or undesirable.

Portrayals of Asian men in the movies, on television, and in the media have never shown them as sexually viral or desirable. Nothing could be further from the truth! Sure, positive stereotypes - such as being studious, hardworking, and conscientious - do exist, but they're always one-dimensional and almost never show the Asian male as a multi-dimensional character, or in a sexually desirable light.

Is it any wonder, then, that a large number of Asian males raised in America could be affected by these portrayals and stereotypes, and would internalize and act on them in a negative, self-limiting way? (For a great article discussing the stereotypes of Asian men portrayed in the media and the effects they can have on young Asian American boys, click here.)

As mentioned in my post on Small Dick Syndrome, this doesn't affect all Asian guys. Many aren't affected, but enough are to give it a name. As I also mentioned, I've noticed that, curiously enough, Fobby Asians seem mostly unaffected by SDS. I believe it's because of decreased exposure to American media as compared to 2nd generation AA's and 1.5ers, as well as not being exposed to racism all through childhood.

So, how do racism and exposure to negative media stereotypes tie in to SDS? It ties in absolutely; besides the obvious consequences being exposed to racism can have on any person's self-image or self-esteem (negatively impacting self-confidence, creating repressed feelings of anger, feelings of apathy about not being able to change the status quo, etc.), negative stereotypes that emasculate the Asian male and downplay - or outright deny - his sexuality can only further negatively affect a guy's self-image and self-esteem...if a guy buys in to these stereotypes and beliefs at an early age and internalizes them, how would he be able to open up later in life and have real, mature, emotionally satisfying, romantic relationships in adulthood?

The emotional avoidance, mind games, emotional withdrawal, oftentimes insensitivity or selfishness, and extremely guarded behavior characteristic of guys with Small Dick Syndrome all make perfect sense when examined against the backdrop of Asian portrayals and stereotypes perpetuated in Western society.

One could say that someone who has SDS is perfectly justified to behave the way that they do, that the mind games, emotional avoidance, fear of intimacy, and purposeful or unintentional hurt inflicted on romantic interests and significant others is understandable, considering the stereotypes they've faced, right? Wrong. Actually, the complete opposite is true...anyone who carries a "chip" on their shoulder as an "act of rebellion" against society (whether consciously or unconsciously) only does a disservice to themselves and those they care about, and in the end, they are the ones who lose out, not those who create or perpetuate those stereotypes.

So, can a guy overcome SDS? Absolutely. I don't purport to knowing a "magic cure-all" for deep-seated issues regarding racism and/or internalized anger, but I do know that when it comes to dating, changing your thought patterns and habits are the first steps towards making a significant change, and with practice, any person can make a significant difference in their life!

In my next post, for those who think they may have SDS, I'll describe ways to overcome this emotional barricade so you can start enjoying your most satisfying, fulfilling dating life possible!

[Disclaimer: This article is based on observation, personal opinion, experience, the shared experiences of others, and common sense, and does not have basis in any independent, scientific studies, nor should it be construed as such.]

Related posts:

- Small Dick Syndrome - Overcoming It
- Small Dick Syndrome
- How to To Tell if Your Guy Has Small Dick Syndrome
- A Female's Guide to Dealing with Small Dick Syndrome Part I
- A Female's Guide to Dealing With Small Dick Syndrome Part II

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Aug 17, 2009

Style Files: August '09 Men

Fall is fast approaching, so fellas, time to update those wardrobes! Below are the latest looks in men's fashion that'll carry you from Summer to Fall.

1) Color. As mentioned before, for a quick update to your wardrobe, add an infusion of color in the season's latest shades. Popular colors in menswear for Fall '09 include many rich shades, including bottle green, blue, gray, burgundy and surprisingly, gold. To take advantage of this eye-catching color without going overboard, look for accessories in gold, such as watches, ties, or shoes (such as sneakers). You'll look stylishly in tune, without blinding everyone in sight! ;)



Dries Van Noten Fall 2009



Express MK2 Fitted Shirt, $59.50, expressfashion.com



Express silk plaid tie, $39.50, expressfashion.com

2) Military trend. This trend is sleek and makes a strong statement, without being too loud or outlandish (unless you want it to be!). Inspired by military looks of decades past, the details that make this trend are in the buttons, necklines, and silhouettes. From the more detailed outerwear featured at Dolce & Gabbana, to the more tailored - but no less statement-making - looks at Burberry, there is a wide range of looks to suit each person.

Though the weather is still too warm for heavy outerwear, pick up a light jacket in one of these styles for nighttime - come Fall, you'll be suited up in style!



Dolce & Gabbana Fall/Winter 2009/2010



Burberry Fall/Winter 2009/2010





Outerwear from H&M, Men's Fall 2009/2010 Collection, hm.com

3) The New Masculinity. The return of the three-piece suit and other classics to menswear this Fall only means one thing - a return to old-school style (think retro, 1960's style with a modern twist). These newer versions of old classics have suits that include more tailored waists, classic cuts in "modern" fabrics (think iridescent), and accessories that are throwbacks to decades past (including watches with traditional grained leather), as well as ones with a "futuristic" feel (eyeglasses with clean, minimalist lines and shapes).

These modern styles are a hybrid between English gentleman and sophisticated, urbane citydweller, creating a look that blends old world taste with modern street-smarts!



Spurr jacket, $1,975, pants, $625, and vest, $550, at Bloomingdale's New York, bloomingdales.com



Polo Ralph Lauren three-piece suit, $1,795, and shirt, $165, at select Ralph Lauren stores nationwide, ralphlauren.com



Banana Republic three-piece suit, (pieces sold separately) $573.50, bananarepublic.com

4) Accessories. Accessories for men this Fall help compliment the different looks that are currently popular; whether you're going for a more "dapper" look (characteristic of the "new masculine" look) or prefer a more simple, streamlined way of dressing, there exists a wide variety of accessories to perfectly complement your style.



Dunhill Classic watch, dunhill.com



Banana Republic tie, $59.50, bananarepublic.com



Moscot Titanium Nebb frames, $279, moscot.com

Sources:

- gq.com
- fashionising.com

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Aug 14, 2009

Q & A - Needing Closure

Q. Dear Alannah,

So in November I was dating a guy and things were going really well. About a month later, the same day I planned to say I wanted to start being exclusive, he said he wasn't interested in dating anymore, rejected me before I could say anything, and we stopped seeing each other. I was upset by this sudden "breakup" because I liked him a lot, and I took several months to get over it. During all this, I wrote in blog which is all public. I have never badmouthed him, but it's obvious that I was upset and frustrated at the confusing lack of closure.

In July he apologized for not keeping in contact after several false promises to talk again. For me this isn't abnormal, I have always had ex's around - I forgive people easily and I get along with ex's without difficulties, so I forgave him. I was seeing someone else at the time but the relationship was falling apart. One night, he and I had a long conversation about what had happened when we dated. Ironically, he confessed he thought I wasn't interested even though he liked me, and that's why he broke things off. I told him how I felt and during this he discovered my blog. He seemed all right with what I had written, albeit guilty for upsetting me. I thought we had settled everything; we were willing to stay friends, although we both seemed regretful and still interested in each other.

A few days later, he tells me that he doesn't want us to talk anymore. From what I can understand, he seemed worried about my (now ex-)boyfriend, but mostly seems to be worried about upsetting me any more than he has in the past. I don't know how to think or feel - is this an unfortunate but helpless set of circumstances? Is this just exceedingly ironic? Am I too honest and/or forgiving, or is he just too guilty? Is there anything I can do or is this irreparable? He refuses to answer any of my messages and or phone calls. I feel like once again I am confused at a lack of closure, is there a better way to deal with this?

Sincerely,

LoveJournaler

A. Dear LoveJournaler,

This guys has SDS written all over him! I hate to tell you this, but, unless he grows a pair, (which I don't see happening anytime soon), there really is no way to repair the situation...if you check out my post on SDS, #8 and #13 fit him perfectly! First, you need to understand that his behavior is all him, not you - you have been nothing but upfront and honest from the beginning, and this guy continues to play the hot and cold, hot and cold routine, even now when you guys are no longer dating.

It may be very hard to see the situation in a clear light at the moment (especially when you may still be interested in the guy), but, the sooner you start looking at the situation objectively, the better. He said he broke things off with you initially because he didn’t think that you were interested in him; then, he told you that he wanted to keep in touch, and instead avoided you time and again. He finally gets in contact with you again once you’re in a relationship, but now that you and your boyfriend have broken up, he’s suddenly disappeared again. The whole “I don’t want to offend your ex,” excuse is just that, an excuse; he didn’t seem to have a problem talking with you when you and your ex were still together, why is it suddenly bothering him now? The reason, as tough as it may be to hear, is because he has gotten his validation - that you are still interested in him - and that’s all he needed to hear. He gets his validation and leaves you hanging - it’s a classic SDS move, very selfish.

Whether or not he is still interested is irrelevant, because even if he is, he is too cowardly to act on those feelings. Rest assured, though, that this won't be the last time that you hear from him - as soon as you decide to forget about him and start dating someone new, trust me, he will appear in your life again. The question is whether or not you'll care to entertain him by speaking to him again.

I know it's tough to just drop this, and seeing as how you haven't gotten closure yet, it makes it more difficult to forget this guy. What I would suggest for you to do first is a little exercise to express your emotions and clear what’s on your mind (as well as get some closure), and that is to write, but, instead of writing on your blog, write him a letter (or email) instead telling him everything you've been feeling about the situation, just don't send it, yet. Don't hold anything back in the letter, either - completely express everything that’s been on your mind and that you’ve been feeling.

Once you have, it will make you feel much better. Then, hold on to the letter and wait for one week. Just the act of writing out everything that you’ve been feeling, everything you’ve been wanting to say and seeing it written out in front of you, may be enough closure in itself to where you won’t need to send it. If you don’t feel that that’s enough closure once you’ve written it, though, and truly want for him to know what you’re feeling, then go ahead and send it after the end of the week; do know, though, that once he reads it, the two of you probably won’t speak again – guys like him can’t handle the truth.

Next, and this may be tough, but I would recommend not writing about him on your blog anymore, or at least, keeping any entries about him private, or readable only by readers in your blog community. Why do this, you're probably wondering? Now that he knows about your blog, you can bet that he will definitely be checking up on it. Now, this may sound like a tempting way to communicate with him (without actually communicating with him), but let me tell you, it’s definitely a bad idea. It will hold you back from moving on, and, as long as he continues to see you writing about him on your blog, he’ll think that you are still “hung up” on him, which you should not give him that satisfaction. (Not saying he consciously enjoys causing you or anyone else pain, but, with guys like him - ones with SDS - having someone still “hung up” on them is validation, at the expense of the other person.)

There’s no way to get over him instantly, but the sooner you cut off contact with him, the better. Please read my entry on SDS and how to deal with guys like this; it should help shed some light on some of his behaviors and may help you see the situation in a different light. It’ll take time, but it will get better.

Best of luck!

Alannah

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Aug 12, 2009

Style Files: August '09 Women

Summer is coming to a close, which only means one thing: time to gear up and start your Fall wardrobe shopping! But, what about the few weeks remaining in the summer, where the weather is too warm for Fall clothes, but buying new Summer clothes means you'll only have a few weeks left to wear them? Fret not...here are some great transitional trends and pieces that will work during both Summer and Fall, letting you transition between seasons with ease and style!

1) One shoulder dresses and tops. This is a style that comes and goes over the years, and this year, it came back in a major way. From tops and dresses, to swimsuits, this sexy, classy style shows skin, but still leaves something to the imagination. Choose dresses or tops in a dark color, such as black, brown or gray (very hot color for fall) and you'll be able to wear them even when the temperature cools.



Herve Leger Spring/Summer 2009 Runway



Charlotte Ronson Fall 2009



Mandy Moore in a dress from Preen, which also incoporates the sheer fabric/cut-out trend.



Ella Moss 'Leighton' One Shoulder Dress, $162, at nordstrom.com

2) Statement jewelry. As mentioned in my previous Style Files post, statement jewelry is everywhere this Summer, and come Fall, this trend will still be big. Necklaces, earrings, and bracelets all continue to be "supersized" and attention grabbing. Some good pieces to invest in that will carry you from Summer to Fall are ones in dark or neutral colors, or metallic tones. Black, brown, gold, or silver jewelry - or ones made from natural materials, such as wood or bone - will last on into Fall. Or, go ahead and invest in pieces in colors that'll be hot for the coming season, such as ruby, cobalt blue, and purple - statement pieces in these shades will last you well on in to the holiday season.



Jason Wu Fall '09



Oscar de la Renta Fall '09



bebe Fringe Chain Statement Necklace, $49, bebe.com

3) Sheer and see-through fabrics. Sheer and see-through fabrics are the perfect combination of sexy and sweet; used in various "placements" on clothes, it can easily take a piece from "ho hum" to daringly sexy! Whether covering up slashes/cut-outs on the side of a dress or top, or for a "window-pane" effect to cover the front, this versatile fabric teases by revealing just enough. Wear tops and dresses with these "peek-a-boo" cut-outs alone in the summer, and under layers as the weather cools down.



Extensive use of sheer fabrics on the Just Cavalli Spring/Summer '09 runway.



Leighton Meester, also in a dress by Preen incorporating sheer fabric.



Forever 21 Lace Overlay Dress, $24.80, forever21.com

4) Tribal/Ethnic trend. The ethnic trend which was so popular this past Summer continues to be a strong trend on in to Fall. All over the Fall '09 designer runways, ethnic-inspired looks cropped up on everything from printed dresses and tops, to beautifully embellished, ethnic-inspired jewelry. Wear the pieces you already own from this summer (layered under jackets or coats during the colder months in Autumn), or invest in a few new pieces for Fall; either way, this sexy, exotic trend continues to turn heads!



Nanette Lepore Fall '09





Etro Fall '09



Dress incorporating both the ethnic and one shoulder trends on the Etro Fall '09 runway.



Arden B. One Shoulder Animal Burnout Top, $48, ardenb.com

Sources:

- fashionising.com
- fashion-era.com
- glamour.com

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Aug 10, 2009

Q & A - No Guys Seem Interested in Me

Q. Dear Alannah,

For some reason, no guys are interested in me and I don't really understand why. I'm not bad looking at all; I'm athletic, and people have commented that I look cute. I don't have a b*tchy personality and am also pretty generous and kind, and people tell me that my personality is warm. I'm not stupid, and am social and outgoing. I also am involved in extracurricular activities, and dress in a manner that's low key, but still stylish. I have many interests and hobbies, and have a sense of morals and ethics.

What really frustrates me is that I meet and interact with guys all the time, but no one ever treats me as anything more than just a friend.

There have been many occasions where people have asked me if I have a boyfriend and when I say no, they're always surprised. This really confuses me because no guy has ever shown interest in me, but at the same time I seem like the kind of person who would have a boyfriend?

It's not like I'm the kind of person who hates commitment or anything. Is there something that I don't have that guys are looking for? I feel that I'm a perfectly normal kind of person and there's not really anything that I need to change about myself. Maybe it's just the kind of guys I'm around? I'm not really the type to throw myself at guys so perhaps that's it?

Sincerely,

Frustrated Single Gal

A. Dear Frustrated Gal,

You sound like an awesome catch and any guy would be very lucky to be with you. You'd be surprised, however, at how many girls out there (who are wonderful catches) have this same problem. It doesn't have anything to do with the girl herself, just maybe the way she is "presenting" herself to guys she's interested in. For instance, do you seem approachable? Do you give off signals that you're interested, both verbal and nonverbal? The nonverbal is sometimes even more important than the verbal. For instance, smiling, body language, eye contact, etc.

It may also be that you could be looking in the wrong places...if the guys you are zeroing your focus in on are not the types to make the first move with a girl (check out my post on SDS) and you've been too shy to make the first move to talk to guys you're interested in, that may be where the problem lies. Whatever the case, here are some tips for improving your overall attraction level with guys.

1) Smile. The first step in making yourself more approachable to guys is by being friendly, and by smiling, you convey that. Whether you're at a club, or a grocery store, smiling at a guy you find attractive definitely increases the chances that he'll approach you, as opposed to a serious demeanor.

2) When you see a guy you're interested in, don't be afraid to engage him in conversation. If you see someone you find attractive, don't be afraid to approach him. This will not seem "desperate" or what not, because as long as you just talk with him initially (and then maybe escalate to flirting later, depending on the signals he sends), your approach could easily be viewed as just being friendly. If he seems open and receptive to your approach, you can then escalate to flirting.

3) Practice flirting. You don't have to throw yourself all over a guy either in order to do this. I think the last sentence that you said, "I'm not really the type to throw myself at guys," is a dead giveaway to your viewpoint or possible fear of giving the appearance of doing this when flirting with a guy (or trying to show interest). It's definitely possible to flirt without giving off that appearance. A guy might be interested, but if he doesn't think you'd be receptive to his approach, some - especially the shy ones - might be too afraid to ask you out. Show him that you'd be receptive by flirting.

Men oftentimes will use teasing humor when flirting with someone they're interested in, and women can also do the same. Teasing him by playfully challenging him in a friendly, competitive way, for example, is a way to do this. For instance, let's say you're at a pool hall. Playfully challenging him to a game of pool (and pretending to talk smack about how you'll easily beat him) is a way to playfully flirt with a guy (whether or not you'll actually win isn't the point - he definitely won't care if you lose...it'll probably actually be more sparing on his ego! ;)).

If you're comfortable, sexual humor - as in, sexual innuendos or mildly dirty jokes - is a way to flirt with a guy. This usually takes more practice to do (and will be covered in a future post) so if you don't have experience using this in conversation yet, start out by using teasing and/or the next two tips first.

4) Learn to use interactive listening. You engage in interactive listening by asking questions and giving feedback to what the other person is saying; it allows them to talk about themselves, and lets them know that you find them interesting. Interactive listening is a great way to get someone to open up - whether you're talking about a person's background, job, or just a topic that they're passionate about, interactive listening lets them know you value what they have to say, and (as mentioned before in a previous post) will have them walking away from the conversation thinking you're the most brilliant person they've ever met, even if you've barely said a word!

You should also know that if there's something guys love, it's being able to feel knowledgeable on a topic he's passionate about, and being able to have a "captive" audience when talking about it. This doesn't mean that you have to sit there and "oooh" and "ahhh" over every little thing that he says about a topic, either; listen and ask questions to show that you're listening, but don't be afraid to point out things that you might disagree with - it will still show that you're listening, and can make for a great debate (if it's a topic you're also knowledgeable about).

5) Compliment him. What guy wouldn't like a little ego-stroking every now and again? The key is to understand how to do it right. The flirting methods for men and women aren't all that different - it's really all in the delivery. If you practice interactive listening often enough, you'll start to pick up on the things people talk about that they're proud of - that they might be slightly boastful of - or want others to know that they are good at. Picking up on these things and giving a guy a compliment on something he is proud of is a good way to give him a little ego boost, letting him know you find him interesting. Use this in moderation, of course; laying it on too thick will just make him suspicious!

For more tips on increasing your attraction level with men, check out my post on how to be irresistible to men.

Best of luck!

Alannah

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Aug 8, 2009

Q & A - My Friend Unintentionally "Blocks" Me

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have a slight problem when meeting new girls. First of all, I think I'm a pretty good catch - fun, easy going, smart, decent looking, and I dress pretty well. However, my problem doesn't have to do with me, but more to do with the fact that one of my best guy friends always (unintentionally) c*ckblocks me. This guy is very good looking, and whenever we go out, the girls always throw themselves all over him. There's been girls I've liked who've ended up liking him instead, too.

He's one of my best buddies, so I don't want to stop hanging out with him because of that, but it can get pretty frustrating sometimes. The thing is, he's a cool guy, but not very funny - nice, but pretty quiet. I think I'm more fun to be around. I guess it's the whole "mysterious" thing he has going on that chicks dig. So, any solutions, other than ignoring his calls altogether?

Sincerely,

Left at the Sidelines

A. Dear Sideliner,

Ah, the "hot friend" problem. Definitely frustrating, but not at all incurable. You've acknowledged the fact that you know that you're a good catch; the only problem is that the girls seem to shower all the attention on your hot guy friend, leaving you in the dust. You have to know, though, that the appeal of eye candy does fade (as do looks themselves), more so with women than with men (men will often stick around much longer just because a woman is hot), so know that you have an advantage here in that looks create initial attraction, but a fun personality and the ability to entertain a woman create longevity when dating.

I'm sensing that there may also be a problem when you're out with your friend in that you probably have become so used to him getting the attention from girls that when you meet new females, you may (unconsciously) be giving off a jealous vibe towards your friend, and women can pick up on that (and definitely wouldn't find that attractive). Next time you go out, try this instead: when you and your friend are out and about and meet new women, be courteous and nice towards them, but don't hit on them or act flirtatious; instead, act disinterested. Act like you see them as cool people to get to know, but don't come on to them in any way. (This works best with females who are attractive and probably get hit on all the time. It'll be harder to do this because they are attractive, but trust me, it works best with them.)

You'll notice something strange start to happen; these women will start trying to get your attention. Sure, there will still be ones who will be attracted to your friend, but you'll start noticing more females (than before) giving you attention, either by being flirtatious, or just taking more of a "friendly" interest in you. Why is this, you ask? Because, women who are attractive are used to getting hit on all the time by men; the ones who tend to stand out more to them are the ones who don't hit on them. It sparks an interest in them ("Hmmm, why isn't this guy trying to hit on me?"), and will oftentimes make them put in more effort in order to try to "win him over."

Of course, this is all just pertaining to initial attraction, and is used more of as a "competitive edge" to even the playing field with your good looking guy friend; once you have a woman's attention, you'll need to use other tips in order to keep the interest there and possibly reel her in - check out my post on how to increase your attraction level with women for more tips! ;)

Best of luck!

Alannah

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Aug 6, 2009

Great Date Conversation Starters

One of the things that people dread the most on a first date is the awkward silence...you know, that dreaded lull...the conversation is flowing smoothly, you and your date are laughing, having a great time, and then, for one reason or another, you've run out of things to talk about. You hear crickets chirping in the background, and you're wracking your brain for something, anything to keep the conversation flowing.

Here are some quick conversation starters to keep in mind so that you'll always have something to talk about on that all-important first date!

1) Story of something crazy/funny that's happened to you. Have you had something crazy happen to you that's strange or out of the ordinary? Or something funny that friends always find hilarious? Sharing funny, outrageous, even slightly embarrassing stories is a great way to entertain your date, as well as let them know more about you, and let them see that you don't take yourself too seriously and aren't afraid to laugh at yourself. (If you can't think of any story of your own at the moment, telling a friend's crazy story can work to entertain, too; just don't claim them as your own!)

2) Background info. This is an obvious one here, but just in case you haven't covered all the bases, bringing up information about your background (and asking questions about your date's) is important. Questions such as, "Where did you grow up?" "How long have you lived in the area?" "How is your family like? Any brothers or sisters?" can be missed, and obviously are things that are important to know about a person and allows you to learn a lot about them.

3) Pop culture. This encompasses celebrity gossip, movie trivia, public figures, anything that is relevant in the news or media today. With men, it's easier to use this when talking to your dates, because the majority of females will know at least a little bit of celebrity gossip, if not a lot. It also helps to lighten the mood, and can easily transition into other topics.

If you can't think of anything off the top of your head, asking your date something as simple as, "Have you seen (name of a current movie) yet?" (starring a favorite actor or directed by your favorite director) can easily get a conversation going.

Tossing something out there along the lines of, "So, did you hear about Tony Romo's and Jessica Simpson's break-up?" can be a funny way to transition during silences or pauses in the conversation. (This works better for guys. If she doesn't really respond or gives you a funny look, just say, "Just kidding!" and play it off as a joke; most women, though, won't give you a hard time.)

4) Places you've visited. Have you been to lots of places? Done lots of traveling? Bring them up in conversation with your date; this will most likely prompt them to discuss places they've visited (or want to visit) as well. Mention things you've seen, people that you've met, and things you've learned about different cultures (if you've traveled internationally); many great discussions can stem from this!

5) Significant (life-changing) event in your life. Life-changing events in your life - whether ones with a sad tone, or something uplifting - usually are harder to discuss, but if you and your date are already clicking, telling them about something important that's happened in your life (that's changed or affected you in a profound way) helps to establish a bond and create a feeling of intimacy. It shows that you trust them enough to reveal something private about yourself, and that you have depth and have led an interesting life.

6) Hobbies. This is an obvious one, but just in case it's missed - bring up hobbies that you have (especially anything that you're passionate about) with your date. Ask them about theirs as well, and definitely mention if you are in to things that are slightly out of the ordinary, like fly fishing, or helping save an endangered animal species from extinction (hey, it could happen!). The more interesting or unique, the better!

7) Something adventurous that you plan on/are hoping to do some day. This is a good topic to segue to after you and your date have both exchanged stories on fun or adventurous things you've both done or experienced in the past. Tell them about something that you've always wanted to try, but haven't had the chance to yet...if they also find it interesting and would also be a newbie, even better - this can plant the seed for possible future adventures together ;)

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Aug 3, 2009

Things You Didn't Know That Women Love (in Men)

Most of you guys out there reading this probably already know the "typical" qualities that women love in a man...someone who is charming, funny, attractive, chivalrous, etc., etc. But, did you know that there are also other qualities in a guy that women pick up on (or learn about) when getting to know him that can help increase his level of attractiveness in her eyes? Below are a list of a few qualities you may not have known that women love in a guy!

1) A man who knows how to cook. I'll be the first to admit - females these days love being spoiled. But, I'm not talking about the kind of spoiling you're probably thinking of, with material possessions (although, that never hurts!). I'm talking about being pampered and taken care of. And you don't need to take to her to some far away spa to achieve this, either. Cooking - traditionally thought of as a "feminine" activity - is increasingly becoming something that many men are becoming skillfully adept at. Knowing how to whip up a deliciously prepared meal for two and impressing her with it on a night in is a great way to make her feel pampered and taken care of, something every woman finds sexy and appealing in a guy!

2) A guy who has a "little boy" side. Now before you start thinking anything dirty, what I'm referring to here is a "young at heart" or "playful" side to a guy, not anything perverse or "strange." An example of this would be a guy who enjoys playing video games, or watching Saturday morning cartoons (from time to time). If a guy is a responsible, mature member of society and yet has a "young at heart" side, many females tend to find this endearing (in reasonable amounts!).

I can't explain it in exact terms, but to me, I feel it appeals to the "nurturing" side of women, and, it also shows that the guy is real and isn't too polished or "smooth" (aka fake). It shows he isn't afraid to let his guard down around her, which will make her more comfortable doing the same with him.

3) Someone who's a loyal friend. Granted that you don't spend every Saturday night clubhopping with your boys leaving your girl at home by herself, most girls would find it nice to know that her guy understands loyalty and treats his friends well. Why? Well, if he were the type to stab his friends in the back or sell them out at the drop of a hat, how great of a boyfriend could he be to her?

Showing that you know how to be there for your friends in times of need or hardship usually will show a woman that you understand loyalty and commitment, two obviously desirable traits in a potential boyfriend!

4) Someone who's great with kids. This one should be no surprise! The majority of females love seeing a guy who is good with kids, is comfortable playing with them, and who basically doesn't freak out when around anyone under the age of 12. You won't need to do like Angelina Jolie or Madonna and "get" your own, either, in order to impress her...if the girl you're dating has younger brothers and sisters (or nieces and nephews) whom she introduces you to, make an effort to get to know them. Play games, joke around, maybe even horseplay with them; showing that you're comfortable with and love (or at least like or tolerate!) being around kids appeals to the maternal instinct in a woman, and she'll instantly see you in a more favorable (long-term potential) light.

5) A guy who has a great relationship with his mother. I'm not saying a guy should be tied at the apron strings, but someone who treats his mother well, stays in touch with and visits his parents, and overall has a loving relationship with them (especially his mom) shows signs of promise of being a good potential boyfriend.

Why is this? Because, a guy who has a healthy relationship with his mother - the first woman in his life - usually won't have many issues or hang-ups with women that you'd have to work through with him. He'll also most likely respect women and know how to treat them better, as opposed to someone who's estranged from or otherwise hates his mother. (Of course, if he's still being tucked in at night by mom before bed, we'll definitely have a problem!)

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