In my previous post, I discussed for the guys how to make some external changes that would help to instantly improve your image and attraction level with women. Today, my focus will be on the internal changes you can make that will instantly increase your skills in conversing and interacting with women. This second part will be split into two parts.
Some instant changes you can make to your behavior and thinking to attract women are:
1) Learn interactive listening. Contrary to what you may think, you don't need to be the smoothest talker in order to impress a woman. For guys who do not have much experience conversing with and/or approaching women, you should know that almost every person, whether man or woman, loves to talk about themselves. If they're shy, it will just take some drawing out on your part. For the majority, though, if you just learn the skill of interactive listening, you'll have the person walking away from the conversation thinking you are the most brilliant person they've ever met, even if you've barely said a word!
Interactive listening means asking questions and giving feedback to what the other person is saying. For instance, let's say you are talking to a woman you've just met and are wanting to get to know better. She tells you that she's not from around here.
Here is a sample dialogue:
Her:"I'm not originally from around here."
You: "Oh really? So, where are you originally from?"
Her: "I moved here from New York about 5 years ago."
You: "So, you're a Yank, eh? It must have been quite the culture shock, moving all the way down here to Texas!"
Her: "Haha no, I actually like it down here. It's a lot slower paced lifestyle than in New York. I love New York, but the lifestyle is way too hectic."
You: "So, what brought you to Texas? Work, or you just couldn't resist the charm of us Southern boys?"
Her: "Hahaha don't get ahead of yourself, now! Actually, it was work; initially I thought the move would be bad, but now that I'm here, I'm so glad I decided to make the move. It's very different here, and the people are certainly more laidback and open, such as you!"
Notice how in the sample dialogue, you let her do most of the talking, but you ask the right questions to keep the conversation flowing and get her to open up. By peppering in a few phrases that incorporate teasing and playful swagger (which will be mentioned later), you're also using other techniques to increase her interest.
Interactive listening makes the other person feel that you find them interesting, which makes them feel good about themselves, which in turn, makes them feel good about you. This can be used not only with women, but also when looking to make new friends or business contacts (you would adjust it of course when using for friends and business partners to leave out the flirtation).
2) Tease/knock her. Women respond better initially to teasing from a guy than she would to cheesy lines or emotionally-charged overtures. As mentioned in my post on how to leave the friend zone with a woman, when teasing her, learn how to tease her on things that are somewhat within her control, and don't make her look foolish. The different types of teasing humor you could use are:
a) Straightforward teasing
b) Being cocky
c) The "backhanded compliment"
Here are a few examples of straightforward teasing:
Say you've just met a woman at a club. You are at the bar next to her, and see that she's ordered a shot of a strong shot, such as a 4 Horsemen. You could say, "That's a pretty strong shot. You sure you can handle that? You're pretty small, they're gonna have to carry you out with that one."
Or, if you are out playing tennis with friends and spot a hot girl on the court who you want to approach. You could say, "Hey, I saw you playing, and you're pretty fast, but, you could use some help with that backhand stroke." A comment such as this will probably be met with a challenge, so if you use this method, make sure you at least know the basics of whatever activity or sport it is that you're challenging her on (you won't necessarily need to win, just know what the heck you are talking about).
An example of using cocky teasing is to position yourself as "superior" to her in some way. The above example is also an example of this. Here's another one: say the cute girl from one of your classes is telling you or friends about an internship she just got. You could say, "Congratulations; you know you only got that one though because I didn't apply, right? I didn't want to unfairly disqualify you or any of the other people."
An example of a backhanded compliment could be something harmless and funny. Say a girl you've had your eye on for awhile has just gotten a new bob (or short chin-length) haircut. You could tell her, "Nice haircut; you're the most attractive Q-tip I've ever seen!"
3) Sincerely compliment her. The thing that most men trip on when giving women (real) compliments is on the timing, and on what they are complimenting her on. Telling a woman she is beautiful is too typical if she is obviously attractive and you know she gets hit on often. Complimenting her on something else, something she is either proud of or shows that you've been paying attention, will score you more points.
You should also wait to give her compliments. When first interacting with a woman, starting off with teasing, humor, or something neutral would be better for you than diving right in to complimenting her; she'll just assume right off the bat that you're trying to hit on her. If possible, wait until your second or third interaction with her before giving her a compliment. When you do, compliment her on something someone else might miss, such as telling her how perceptive she is. Or, complimenting her on other traits, such as her intelligence or great taste, would be good. Whatever you compliment her on, make sure you mean it. Women are very perceptive and can usually tell when a man is BS-ing her or has a hidden agenda.
In my next post, I'll continue my discussion on more changes you can instantly make that will help you improve your skills in the dating game!