So, for the ladies out there, how would you know if the guy you're dating - or the guy you want to date - has SDS? If these rules seem to be ripped from the pages of his dating guidebook, watch out!
1) He may not be a player, but will use mind games frequently to try to get you (or any girl he may like) to pursue him, instead of trying to pursue anyone himself. His motto: If she likes me enough, she'll make it happen!
2) Loves to try and project the image of a deep, misunderstood, complicated soul.
3) The idea of asking you out on a real, one on one date? Unheard of! Group dates are the only way to go! (Who cares about intimacy or getting to know one another on a deeper level?)
4) Confessing his feelings for you? Ridiculous! In his opinion, you should already know how he feels! What's the point in saying it??
5) If he does show his feelings, rather than being direct, these are some of his methods of choice: posting "anonymous" messages to you on his blog, webpage, or AIM; emailing you songs with lyrics that describe how he "really" feels; showering you with compliments one moment, acting ice-cold the next (wouldn't want you to get a swelled head!); or, letting it be known through the grapevine that he finds you attractive, but acting nonchalant or indifferent when near you.
6) Is deeply insecure, but masks that insecurity with a facade of stubbornness and pride.
7) Will often use female attention as a means of validating his self-worth.
8) Doesn't mind letting a great thing slip by (namely, you), because he would rather lose his left testicle than risk possible rejection.
9) If is in a relationship, will only put in as much effort as the other person, much of the time less.
10) Will almost never admit when he is wrong in a relationship.
11) Your sentiments towards him are probably something along the lines of, "With him, it is never enough."
12) Even if is in a relationship, will often keep in touch with past flames/almost-flames to entertain the idea that he has someone "waiting in the wings," and also if he feels he is not getting enough attention from his current beau.
13) If you have managed to move on and break free of his BS, he will somehow manage to "magically" appear in your life again the moment he finds out that you're seeing someone new. However, it isn't to say or do anything significant, but rather, to pull the same Small Penis moves again and try to validate himself, to see if you still have feelings for him.
If the majority of these traits or habits describe your guy, he most likely has Small Dick Syndrome. If so, does that mean he's a lost cause? Thankfully, no. The bad news, though, is that the majority of the time, a guy with SDS (or any other emotional/behavioral affliction) needs to sort out his emotional and insecurity issues on his own once he has come to terms with them, and there's nothing anyone else can do to make him face them. The best that a girl who is dating someone with SDS can do, once she's decided she is finally fed up with his BS, is to decide that she won't put up with it anymore, and to put her foot down and let it be known that she expects more from him if he wants to continue being with her.
The good news is, if you are in a relationship with a guy with SDS, once you have decided to put your foot down, there is a very good possibility that this will cause him to man up once and for all, once he realizes there is a very real possibility that he'll lose you if he doesn't. In my next post, I will discuss the steps you will need to take in order to do that, and, for the single ladies, how to weed out the SDS-afflicted guys from your playing field to make way for only legitimate, "real" guys who understand how to treat a woman ;)