Apr 8, 2009

Why Women Love Bad Boys

An age-old question that many nice guys have pondered since the beginning of time is, "Why do women always go for the a--holes?" A complaint I've heard time and time again from my guy friends is, "Women say they want a nice guy, but always go for the ones who treat them like shit. What's wrong with them??"

The reason that women tend to gravitate towards bad boys isn't because we're masochists who love pain or are just plain crazy (most of us, anyway!); it's because we like the excitement that they provide, the mystery...we want what is slightly out of our reach. We don't want you to be available at our every beck and call - that's no fun. We want to know the guy we're dating is a stud who other women want as well, no matter what your physical attributes are. We don't want to feel that we've figured you out already within the first week of meeting you...that, my friend, is why the bad boy is so intriguing to women...why women will go after him, date him, put up with him, and ultimately, get our hearts broken by him, or end up getting bored with/fed up with him...it's trying to figure out what's beneath that aloof, "mysterious" exterior. It's the prospect of maybe "changing" him, or getting him to change, just for us. The reality is, beneath the exterior of these bad boys, there is (more than 90% of the time) nothing more than just more surface, and/or zero personality or any real depth or substance, and as soon as a woman figures this out, if she hasn't already been bulldozered by him in the process, she will bolt for the nearest exit. Rarely will a woman be crazy enough to knowingly stick around and marry one (unless her name is Britney Spears).

So, enough with why women love bad boys...how is this relevant to all the nice guys out there? Well, there's a lot of tips that nice guys could take from a bad boy's playbook and use to their advantage, without turning into outright jerks themselves. There's a lot to elaborate on here, but I'll start with an overview of a few general tips.

Disclaimer: This is not an advocation of turning you few nice guys left out there into a--holes...that is definitely not the intention. It's rather to give you a glimpse into understanding the female mind and how it works, and use that knowledge to your advantage.

1) Be gutsy when pursuing a woman, but do not be a doormat. Being nice definitely does not mean that you need to let a female walk all over you. This is the #1 rule when pursuing a woman, and few of your female friends will probably want to tell you this...mainly because most would rarely admit to themselves is what they want. If you think about it though, this makes perfect sense, because if the shoe was on the other foot, most men wouldn't want to date a woman who's a doormat, either, right? You guys want someone who keeps you on your toes, or at least has enough of a b-llshit meter to call you out on it when you're out of line.

2) At the beginning of the courtship, slower is better. Give her something to look forward to...let it be clear to her that you are interested in her, but there's no need to go into clingy-stalker type mode and call/text several times a day after just one date. Make plans once or twice a week for the first several weeks max, or until it's been established that you two are exclusive.

3) Hold back on large gifts or expensive items until you two are mutually exclusive. Now, this is a tricky area...this does not include paying for dinner, flowers, or tickets to shows/events on dates...depending on your outlook and how independent or traditional your date is, generally, it is preferred and more chivalrous for the male to cover for those things on the first few dates. (As unfair or as much of a double-standard as that may be, women usually like for the man to at least try to pay, and, depending on her viewpoint, will either let you, pay herself, or go dutch.) The gifts/expensive items I'm referring to is, jewelry, shoes, clothes, purses, electronics (cell phones, cameras, etc.), whatever...small token gifts such as cards, candy, stuffed animals, and such are fine, but the rule of thumb is, anything that has actual resale value should definitely be avoided, until it is established that she is your girlfriend.

Why do this, you ask? Have you ever seen bad boys shower their women with gifts at the beginning of a relationship? Billionnaire playboys aside, most bad boys won't do that...either they don't have the funds, or they just have too much pride. (Their cocky reasoning: She's lucky to be with me.) Besides, you want her to like you for you, not for what you can buy her. This is a great way to weed out golddiggers, obviously. Once the two of you are exclusive, of course, gift-giving is perfectly fine (and, as most of you know, will come to be expected.)

4) Keep some of the mystery. Don't tell her your life story on the first date, your entire romantic history by the second, and the names of your future children by the third. Tell her about yourself, but keep enough back to leave her wondering, wanting to know more. This does not mean to be deceptive, of course, or to leave out major details (such as having kids, for instance); it just means knowing how to balance and keep the mystery alive at the beginning, to hold her interest.

There's a lot more I can go into, but I'll leave you with these tips for now. Any questions or comments would be appreciated :)

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