Apr 23, 2009

The Friend Zone (Part II)

Today, I will continue my discussion of how to remove yourself from the friend zone when pursuing a woman. In my last entry, I discussed the first steps in removing yourself from the zone; today, I'll reveal how to get her to see you in a more romantic light. But first, you'll need to know 3 of the top qualities women look for when seeking a potential mate. They are:

1) Physical attractivness
2) The ability to make her laugh
3) A charming personality, and/or one compatible with hers

Since not every guy is blessed with Brad Pitt's looks or Colin Farrell's roguish charm, most will probably be glad to know that the ability to make a girl laugh, and a compatible personality, will often make up for (and sometimes supercede!) looks and/or glossy charm. Of course, you'll need the right combination of confidence and knowledge on how to create that initial "spark" - that's what this site is for ;)

Most guys have probably heard at one time or another a female talking about chemistry..."My ex and I broke up because there wasn't any chemistry...I felt like he was a friend." "I went on a date last night, but there was no chemistry." "He was hot, but I didn't feel that spark." Most guys, when hearing such comments, usually wonder what the hell these women are talking about - if the person's hot and you want to bang, that's chemistry, right? Wrong. With women, it's not always so cut and dry...that might apply to some women out there, but for most, chemistry is mental. This is why you'll often see a superhot girl with a so-so guy...most assume he must be either loaded or well-endowed, but the truth is, he just might be very entertaining, or have a great personality...yeah, shocking, right?

So, onto the juicy part...how do you use this information to your advantage? The steps you'll need to take to get your friend you like (FYL) to see you in a more dateworthy light are:

1) Create attraction on her part through the use of humor. There are two types of humor that attracts a woman to a man. They are:

a) Sexual humor
b) Teasing humor

Sexual humor is more advanced and takes more confidence, but gets the point across, and will probably get you laid faster. Teasing humor is more coy, will leave her wondering, and in the long run can leave a longer lasting impression. Teasing humor is the grown-up version of throwing sand at the girl you liked in grade school; it's not hard to do, but there's a fine line between teasing her and getting her "worked up," and just plain offending her and pissing her off. You MUST know what topics are fair game when and if you decide to use this on a girl.

Here are a few examples:

When using sexual humor, depending on your comfort level, it might be better to start when talking to her one on one in a casual conversation, to minimize any discomfort you could have in a room full of people. You can toss in a few sexual innuendos here and there, then gauge her reaction. If she seems pleasantly surprised, you can continue with this. If not, switch to teasing humor.

Teasing humor entails using your friend at the butt of a few jokes, but doing it in a way where you do NOT embarass or humiliate her, only ragging on her about something silly that she does not feel insecure about. Example: A fashionable FYL walks in wearing wide-legged jeans; you could say something along the lines of, "What's up with those pants, Melissa?? You trying to bring back the MC Hammer pants??" Or, something a little more brazen; with a fair-skinned FYL, something such as, "Whoa Sarah, you need to move away from that wall; I almost didn't see you, you practically blended in!" Such jokes need to be delivered with a joking or playful smile, as they're meant to be seen as light-hearted and fun.

Continue using these types of humor with her in your next several interactions; the dynamic of your interactions with her should slowly start to change, and you should be able to tell when to move onto the next stage. Stay away from anything obscene or juvenile when using either type of humor, though; you want to end with a bang, not a slap across the face!

2) Sweep her off her feet. A secret you should know is that every straight woman, no matter what she says, secretly LOVES the idea of being swept off her feet; the ones who say no to this are straight-up lying! Even the most bitter, anti-romance, "practical" woman has a soft spot that can be reached. For instance, if any of you guys ever watched Sex and the City (and I know there are many, so don't lie!), Miranda was the most grounded person on the show, and arguably the most bitter about love. She was bluntly honest, scoffed at the idea of romance, seemed almost anti-men at times, and was the first to bring her girlfriends "back to reality" should they be foolish enough as to be swept away by a new man in their life. She ended up, however, being swept off her feet by the most romantic and sensitive guy on the show, who was kind, thoughtful, and made her stop and smell the roses.

The key here is to know how to do it WITHOUT going overboard. Impress her with your thoughtfulness and show her you've been listening, but don't smother her (for clarification, check out my "Bad Boys" post) or drown her with sappy cliqued moves (no singing outside a window with a boombox necessary). Not every woman is swept away by flowers, candy, moonlit strolls, and such. "Sweeping a woman off her feet" is a fancy way of saying knowing what a woman wants, and delivering it, with style. For one woman, this may be the storybook romance moves mentioned above; for another, it may be tickets to an alternative music festival, getting her backstage passes to meet the bands, and taking her to a hole-in-the-wall restaurant of her favorite type of ethnic cuisine.

It's up to you to decide what works for your FYL. As her friend, you have a wonderful advantage because you've probably been keeping tabs on all her likes and dislikes, interests, the type of men she dates, etc. over the years, so planning a great date won't be difficult at all. Deciding on whether to go on a solo or group date with your FYL will probably be the biggest issue. That one is up to you; it all depends on your comfort level. Just remember, don't go overboard when doing the "sweeping"; what matters isn't the quantity of gestures or moves, but the thoughtfulness and detail you put into it. Let me know if you need further clarification.

When asking your FYL out, you can be slightly sneaky here...just make it seem like a regular friendly date like you are accustomed to with her, and you don't necessarily need to give all the details on all plans. In fact, the less you tell, the better; the surprise element helps add impact. A general idea of your plans for the day/night is fine, allowing her to know how she should dress, how long the plans will be for, etc. Just say you've thought of something fun to do!

These tips listed here are a general overview, and there's no surefire guarantee that your FYL will bite just because you've put out the bait, but if there is any chance of hooking up with that friend you've had the hots for forever, this is the way to go. There is more to elaborate on, but the specifics depend on the kind of girl you are hoping to reel in. If you have questions, just drop a line...best of luck! ;)

Related post:

The Friend Zone


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