Q & A - Why Is She Leaving Me Hanging?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I'm very confused by a girl who I was dating recently, and was wondering if maybe you could help me out. I met this girl through my university's online forum boards about two weeks ago, and started chatting with her often online shortly after. One day, when I was sick, I was chatting with her online and told her that I was sick, and she surprised me by bringing me some soup and medicine to my place (it was also the first time we met in person). I was really touched by the sweet gesture, and soon after, we started dating. On all of our dates though, I initiated contact and called her first. At the end of our first week of dating, I had a basketball match with friends, and invited her to come and watch. To my pleasant surprise, she did end up coming (by herself), and some of my cousins who were also there saw her and told me they thought she seemed like a nice girl, a great catch who I should definitely pursue.

The day after the match, I decided to get her a special present. I bought her a silver bracelet, which I thought looked really nice. I gave it to her that night, and she was smiling a lot, and seemed happy. However, since that night, things changed. When I got home after seeing her that night, I was online and waited to see if she would IM me on Yahoo, but she didn't. When I IM'd her, her responses would be short, and it seemed like she didn't want to chat. I decided not to IM her first (or call her or anything else) for two days. I haven't heard anything from her. I'm becoming very frustrated. Even last night, I saw her online, but she didn't IM me or anything.

Style Files: March '10 Men

Spring is finally here, which means it’s time to update those dark, winter wardrobes with new, fresh looks for the season. For a quick update to your look without blowing the bank, remember that the key is color and sharp, smart accessories. Read on for the latest looks in men's fashion this season.

1) Denim. Denim trends for men haven't changed much within the past few years, but the washes that are most popular do change season by season; for Spring and Summer, lighter washes are most popular, but darker rinses can also be worn at night.

Quickly and easily update your denim look by cuffing (or rolling) the hem at the bottom. For the most flattering look, roll the hem twice, with a cuff about one and a half inches in width. The cuff doesn't need to be crisp and neat - a "casually" rolled cuff (as on the models below) was the popular look on the runways this season.



Cuffed jeans on the runway at Michael Bastian.

Turn That Spring Fling Into the Real Thing

So you're on Spring Break and just looking to have fun; with parties raging, minimal responsibility, and Spring Fever kicking in, almost everyone's minds are turned towards having fun and not worrying about the responsibilities that await them at week's end.

That said, many may also have the same attitude towards any romantic interests they may meet while on vacation, out partying, and enjoying this week-long fiesta away from work and/or school.  If a Spring Fling isn't really your thing, however, and you've met (or are hoping to meet) a special someone while enjoying your break, here are some tips to maximize the potential that this "fling" can turn into the real thing.

1) Hold off on sex.  This applies to both girls and guys (I know what you're thinking-bummer!).  No matter how much you may be digging this person at the moment, sex changes everything, so if you're looking to extend this Spring romance beyond the next few days, hold off on going all the way.

2) Make your time together memorable.  Instead of just getting slammed every night at the local club/pub/bar, if you're on vacation and meet a hottie, go sight-seeing together, or snorkeling, or skydiving; do things you know will leave an impact on their memory.  Do things beyond just having mad makeout sessions every night (however tempting that may be!).  Do things you know you (and probably they) would not be doing back at home.  Make them think back fondly on your time together once you two are back home.

Q & A - Friend Zone'd?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I met this girl named Ally thru a good friend. We started talking in December of this past year. I thought she was an attractive girl, and at the time had slight feelings for her.  In January, I realized that I had intense feelings for her. I realized this when she started talking about this guy she liked.  For some reason, I felt extremely jealous of this guy.

As the months progressed, our friendship became closer and closer, and she would talk to me about almost anything - insecurities, her crush, school life, and past relationships. As for this guy, I just kept hiding how I truly felt inside, pretending everything was ok and good.  By mid-February, her feelings started to fade for this guy, and I started initiating moves, such as complimenting her looks and her clothes and such, and asking her out to a movie.  How she reacted was all smiles and happiness, often she said I'd flatter her.

Yesterday, I told her how I felt for her and she said that she used to like me back in December when we met at a going-away party for a friend, but that her feelings stopped when she started liking this other guy. Hearing that hurt me pretty bad... there were no tears or anything like that, it was just emptiness.  I've liked other women before, but not as extreme as how I feel right now. It's comparable to my past relationships.

Style Files: March '10 Women

With Spring being slowly ushered in comes the rapid departure of warm weather clothing from our wardrobes and the quick accumulation of sexy, skin-baring styles, daring new looks, shorter hemlines, and playful new fashion trends - what's not to love?? Let the Spring fashion sexiness begin! ;)

1) Sci-fi and futurism. With the turn of the new decade, it's not at all surprising to see futuristic fashions pop up all over designer runways. These forward-thinking styles include elements you may have seen before on past designer runways - such as metallic fabrics and robotic-looking elements - with newly-added styles with a futuristic bent - such as dystopia and evolutionary change - that take the trend to a whole new level.

Elements that define this trend include:

- Metallic fabrics, plating, or detailing
- Robotic-looking elements
- Circuitry-inspired patterns
- Unusual and exaggerated silhouettes, such as pointed shoulders and cocoon shapes
- Fish scales or reptile scales (as possible on futuristic forms)



Alexander McQueen Spring 2010.

Q & A - My Friend's Boyfriend is An A--hole

Q. Dear Alannah,

My best friend's boyfriend is an a--hole, and I'm tired of him mistreating her.  He has cheated on her, lies to her all the time, verbally and emotionally abuses her, and constantly makes her sad.  Everyone around her knows he is nothing but a scumbag, but still my friend sticks around, even though all her friends (including me) tell her to break it off with him.  She used to be a very happy, outgoing, social person, but ever since they started dating almost 2 years ago, it's slowly gone away.  She's always paranoid, checking up on him, wanting to know where he's at, and if they're not fighting, then she's just waiting to see what bad thing he's going to do next.

I don't know what to do, but as her friend, I feel that there must be something I can do to help her get out of this destructive relationship.  Do you have any advice?

Sincerely,

Angie

Ways to Turn a Woman OFF On A Date

1) Do a completely obvious, 180 degree turn every time an attractive woman walks by.

2) Wear tons of "Axe" body spray on your body, combined with loads of scented hair gel and a potently strong aftershave...you can never smell too good!

3) Tell her you forgot your wallet at home and ask if she could "spot you this time," after ordering the most expensive steak dish on the menu, an appetizer to start, dessert, as well as a fine bottle of wine to go with dinner.

4) Wear something outlandish (for example, a feather boa, pirate hat, hot pink mesh shirt, etc.) to make sure her eyes are only on you.

5) Tell her the things your ex would do for you in bed back when you were together, and proceed to "demonstrate" using hand motions and/or sketches.

6) Tell her open relationships are the "next step" in human evolution.

7) Tell her about the huge crush you used to have on her hot best friend.

Q & A - Does My Friend Like Me?

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, I have a crush on a friend of mine named Robert - I like him a lot.  He has a brother named David who I'm also close friends with and who I think had a crush on me before, but I don't see him in that way, and I'm sure he knows it. 

Anyways, we all hang out with the same group of friends, and Robert and I are pretty close - I know his whole family.  He acts like he likes me, especially when our friends aren't around (we have a class together).  He has told other people that he just sees me as a friend, though, and that he doesn't feel the same way that I do.  Others have caught on to how he acts towards me, and have asked him if he likes me; when they do, I've heard he gets defensive and kind of angry.

I want to say it again - I really feel that he does seem to have feelings for me, and I feel like we have a real connection that I don't want to believe is just my imagination.

So, I have 2 questions here:

1. Should I just ask him myself if he has feelings for me, or could that ruin our friendship?

2. Could the reason why he's holding back with me be because he knows his brother used to like me (and is the reason why he tells everyone he just sees me as a friend)?

Sincerely,

Carol

Best Date Spots: Seattle

Free-thinking, green, free-spirited, unlike any other.  Those are a few words and phrases that could describe Seattle and it's unique culture.  Besides being home to my favorite coffee retailer (and beverage brand, period!) Starbucks, Seattle has a unique culture that's at-once urban, nature-loving, and laidback.  Home to the Grunge Movement in the early '90's, the city has never lost it's free-spirited attitude, and is filled with many great places to visit and things to see with your date!

1) Maximilien Restaurant - For delicious French food in a relaxed atmosphere, come to Maximilien. A charming and romantic restaurant located in Seattle's Pike Place Market in downtown, Maximilien has gorgeous views of the city, a seasonal outdoor patio, and great happy hour specials that make it ideal for either a full dinner or as a place to grab drinks and appetizers before heading out on the town. Take in the panoramic view over the city and water (enhanced by the antique mirrors hanging on the walls) while enjoying such favorites as the Coulibiac de Saumon Sauce Dijonaise (salmon baked in a puff pastry with goat cheese and spinach), Tournedos de Bœuf (pan-seared beef tenderloin), and Escargots à la Bourguignonne.

2) Serafina - Quiet, serene, and romantic, Serafina has the perfect atmosphere for a romantic first date.  This upscale casual restaurant with dark walls and dim lighting has friendly waitstaff, beautifully-presented, delicious dishes, and an inviting warmth that will make you feel right at home.  The exquisitely-crafted Italian cuisine, with dishes such as Fettuccine Nero (squid ink fettuccine with garlic, anchovy and salsa verde, topped with seared sea scallops shaved bottarga di muggine) and Porchetta (oven-roasted hazelnut-finished pork with fennel and rosemary), are almost too pretty to eat, and the wide selection of fine wines will satisfy most vino lovers.  Finish off your meal with some dolci in the form of Torta di Formaggio (persimmon-caramel-mascarpone cheesecake) or Fritelle di Mele (fried apple pie ravioli).

Q & A - I'm In A Relationship, But Have Feelings Someone For Else

Q. Dear Alannah,

So, I've been having a problem and figured you could help.  I've been with my girlfriend for about a year now.  We were good friends before we started dating, and then it developed into more than that.  We've been really close, and haven't had any issues.  We're both good communicators and whenever we have an issue, we work it out, but I'm not always happy.  That's an issue we haven't talked about...

So anyways, recently I met one of my best friend's (Kevin) childhood friends (Jean).  Jean goes to school in another city so she is rarely around, but I can't seem to stop thinking about her.

I met her about a month ago and we talked a bit.  I actually dated someone that went to her school, so we had a bit in common to talk about.  After the first few meetings, we started talking on Facebook.  But it felt weird, I felt like I wasn't being truthful/faithful, and at one point my girlfriend brought Jean up.  She asked who she was, not in an accusing way, just out of curiosity.  I got really defensive, or a better word would be nervous.  It was really weird...

So ever since then, whenever I see Kevin, I always ask/talk about Jean, and she's on my mind quite a lot. Honestly I feel like I should be with Jean...that's how strong my feelings are for her.  I like a lot about her, but then again, I barely know her, and I know I'm not her type.  She probably doesn't even think about me like that, while I think about her way to much...

For the Guys: How Female Friends Can Boost Your Love Life

So, you pursued a girl under the guise of "friendship" and things didn't work out as you'd planned - oh well, life goes on.  Before you write her off into the realms of casual acquaintanceship, though, you should realize that there are many benefits to having female friends in your life, the majority of which can directly boost your love life.  Read on to learn how having female friends can help you score more dates with hot girls, expand your dating pool, and more!

1) Wingwomen.  As mentioned in my previous post, female friends are great wingwomen.  Women are non-threatening to other women as "wingpeople" (we can more easily approach a girl you've been eyeing for an introduction with greater success than your guy friends can), will boost your status (see below), and can give great feedback while you're out in the "field".  A female friend will tell you if you're wasting your time trying to talk to that chick at the bar, or can tell you if that girl on the dance floor has been eyeing you all night.  Female intuition beats a male buddy's drunken encouragements any day! ;)

2) Hook-ups with hot friends.  When you're friends with a girl, you have access to a wealth of potential dates that's too good to pass up!  Rather than asking a girl friend randomly if she has any friends she could hook you up with (she might not be able to think of someone right off the top of her head), let her know what you're looking for (sporty girls, brainy types, girls with an adventurous streak) and she may be able to set you up.   (Just be sure not to blame her if things don't work out!)

3) Boost your status.  That's right, female friends can help "boost" your status, not only with male friends (what guy doesn't love walking into a club surrounded by a bunch of hot ladies??), but also - and especially - with other females, specifically, ones whom you may potentially date.  A guy who's constantly surrounded by attractive females who like spending time with him and enjoy his company will definitely spark the attention and interest of other females.  Don't be afraid to invite a female friend (or two) when going out clubbing with the boys sometime, or as a friendly date to your college roommate's wedding - she can help you single out potential dates (and put in a good word or two!).

Q & A - First Love

Q. Dear Alannah,

I have a problem.  Recently, I was contacted by an ex-girlfriend (not just any ex, but my "first love", you could say), and I don't know what I should do.  Let me give you the backstory. 

We met 6 years ago online while we were both still in high school, and lived 1,000 miles apart at the time.  We were friends at first, but eventually developed feelings for each other and started dating long-distance for about a year or so (I would travel to her town several times a year and stay 2-3 weeks at a time to see her).  Once we both turned 18, she moved north to live with me. 

We lived together for one and a half years, and were very happy; we felt like nothing could get in our way.  Her parents, though, weren't so happy; her family had opposed our relationship from the beginning, saying we were too young to get so serious, and wanted her to focus on school.  Then one day she went home to visit her family, and they convinced her to break up with me - I was devastated.  During the first month after the break-up, we would call each other, but ended up fighting so much. 

I started drinking a lot to forget the pain.  I tried to forget about her, but it didn't work, so I just drank some more.  It's been 6 months since we broke up, and I still think about her.  I've tried to start dating other girls to get her off my mind, but I haven't gotten far enough to be able to even kiss another female, because I'm not fully over her.  Recently though, I met this girl who I've become interested in, and I was thinking this is someone I wouldn't mind getting to know better.  I was ready to try to really start moving forward, because I believed my ex no longer had feelings for me.

Food for Thought: Wanting What Isn't Yours

Have you ever wanted someone who was unavailable?  Ever lusted after someone who was already taken?  Everyone has been here at one time or another, and that is wanting something that isn't yours.  Whether it was as a child, wanting a toy that belonged to someone else, or a teen, coveting your friend's brand-new sports car, most of us, at one time or another, have wanted something that didn't belong to us.  What we do with those feelings can be either productive or destructive.  (For instance, envying a friend's successful career could inspire someone to work harder at theirs to attain similar success.  Or, on the flipside, a person could let jealousy consume them and wallow in misery, or even worse, lash out and try to sabotage someone whom they envied.)  When the object of your desire - or "thing" you covet - is a particular person, though, that's where things get tricky.

Most people with at least a few years of dating experience have been here before, and that's been interested in someone who's not available.  What is it about someone who's taken that makes them that much more attractive?  Is it the fact that we can't have them?  That someone else wants them, too?  Maybe it's the challenge, who knows.  I know you can all probably agree with me that the instant you're in a relationship, all of these interested "prospects" seem to appear out of nowhere, when they seemed to be nowhere to be found when you were single!

A Little About Me

My blog is fast-approaching it's 1 year mark, and many exciting changes are on the way!  Thank you to all of my readers who make it possible!  Check back often over the next few weeks to see some major changes, including changes to the blog posts, and an introduction to new forms of media used! ;) 

Since I've rarely mentioned anything about myself here, I wanted to tell you a little more about myself.  Some random facts about me include:

1) I love Starbucks - anyone who knows me would definitely agree!  Love would probably be an understatement - addiction might more closely describe it =P  If Starbucks were to close down tomorrow, I seriously don't know what I'd do - I have their Frapps almost daily!

2) I love driving at night, especially when the roads are empty...it's the best time to clear my head and think.  Was pretty sad when gas prices skyrocketed a few years ago!

3) I love animals, especially dogs.  I have always had mixed breed dogs, but my favorite breed is Siberian Huskies (love them because they look like wolves!).

4) I love fashion. 

5) I love fast food.  (Quite a "habit" I'm trying to quit, or rather, control!)

6) Love beautiful Fall days, with cloudless skies, 50-60 degree weather, and lots of sun!  (Basically, Cali weather, where I probably should be living!)

Q & A - Four Years and Tired of Waiting

Q. Dear Alannah,

I've been in a relationship for about 4 years now.  I am 25, and my boyfriend just turned 30.  We've talked about marriage before, but he keeps delaying it into the future and pushing it off.  Everyone around me is getting married, having babies, and moving forward in their relationships, but my boyfriend keeps delaying marriage for us.  We've had "the marriage talk" before and he tells me that someday we'll get married, but more and more each day I feel like that "someday" is just never going to happen.  I can understand why he would've wanted to wait when I was younger, like still 21 or even 23, but come on...it's been 4 years now!  I know it's NOT a race to get married, and I'm generally a patient person, but it's becoming more evident to me over the past few months that 4 years is clearly pushing my limit.

Another thing that bothers me is that when we talk about it, he seems to always have an excuse.  Like, "Oh I just have so much going on at work right now, I'm so busy." OR "I really want to get school out of the way," (which he has officially completed now, by the way).  Now, his current excuse is getting home renovations out of the way.  A friend of mine recently got engaged and her fiancé bought her a $10,000 engagement ring (I don't expect something that expensive, by the way; in fact, I don't care much about the cost) and I told him about it, just to see what he would say.  Well, he said that he couldn't believe that my friend's fiancé would spend that much on a ring, and then proceeded to tell me that I would never be getting anything worth that much for me if we got engaged, and that I'd be lucky to get a ring half that cost.  That weekend, we flew out of town for a little trip together, and he ended up buying HIMSELF a piece of art...worth, you guessed it, $10,000.  I did not say a word.