Nov 16, 2011

We've Moved!

Please check out the new site home at lovewits.com.  For those of you who've been here since the beginning, this is the last move, promise! ;)

xoxo Alannah
Nov 15, 2011

Ladies, Are You Too Picky?

It's good to have high standards for yourself and for those whom you choose to date.  However, when those standards are too high or totally unrealistic, you can end up shortchanging yourself and lose out on meeting lots of great guys in the process.  Below, some tell-tale signs that you may be too picky when it comes to dating!

1) You honestly don't remember the last time you went on a date (despite numerous chances or offers).  It's normal to go through a dating dry spell every now and then, and these can last anywhere from a few months to a few years.  However, if opportunities keep presenting themselves (in the form of offers for coffee dates or well-intentioned friends who try to set up blind dates) and you continually turn them down, this may be a sign that you are too picky and doing yourself a disservice by limiting your dating options.  Don't be afraid to "date outside the box" and try dating someone you wouldn't normally date. 

This doesn't mean slumming it, either; it just means giving that cute guy at the coffee shop a chance despite the fact that he doesn't fit the preppy mold of guys you usually go for (which could be a good thing!), or skipping your usual uptown hangouts when manhunting with the girls and trying a sports bar instead.  What have you got to lose?

2) Your list of "must-haves" is over 10 items long.  It's good to know what you want and to not settle.  However, if you are too stringent on your list of must-haves, you risk ruling out some very cool guys who might otherwise be a great match for you.  Be flexible and allow yourself to explore your options when dating.  Have a few must-haves that you know you cannot compromise on (such as views on having children, a shared faith, and/or career ambitions) and leave wiggle room for the rest.  Try to limit your must-have list to 5 items or less, and leave room for the rest.  Doing this opens up a whole new world of potential dates you may otherwise have ruled out.
Oct 27, 2011

Q & A - How Do I Win Her Back?

Q. Dear Alannah,

My reason for contacting you today is because I'm in need of your expert advice.  I've checked almost all of your videos and I have to say that I am really impressed with what you had to say, especially when it comes to women.

You see my problem is that the girl I love recently left me because she said that she is no longer attracted to me.  She told me that she no longer sees me in a romantic light.  I think that this has to do with me working far away from her for weeks at a time.  Other than that I did not see any other problem in the relationship.  I believe she is currently seeing other guys, but I don't think that anything is going on...yet.  I think I still have a chance to win her back.  But, I need your help.  We broke up about two weeks ago, but during the break up she broke off all communications with me.  I couldn't call, text, or email her at all.  As of yesterday she finally decided to call me and said that she would like to be my friend so that she could take care of me.  My question for you is at this stage, should I give up all hope or should I fight to win her back?  If I should fight for her then would asking her out this early ruin the chances for me?  I've been thinking about giving her a call, but am afraid that she might say she's busy or something.  What do I need to do to get her attracted to me again?  I'm so confused!

Sincerely,

Sam
Oct 8, 2011

How to Tease A Woman and Give Effective Backhanded Compliments

You may have heard it time and again, but there's nothing quite like teasing and using backhanded compliments to get a woman's attention.  From the moves I've heard many guys pulling, however, there seems to be some "confusion" as to what an effective backhanded compliment should look and sound like.  Read on to learn how to effectively tease and flirt with a woman to blow her mind!

1) Do not be meanspirited.  This is probably one of the most important rules when teasing a woman and giving a backhanded compliment (BHC), and that is that not only will your move backfire if you insult her by saying something mean and turn her off, but she'll also see you as a bully and will probably stay away from you.  For your teasing jabs (TJ) and BHC's to work, there has to be a balance of humor and honesty, and they should not target something she can't change. (For instance, teasing her for her crazy hairstyle is okay; calling her a runt because of her height is not.)

2) No emo undertones. The point of TJ's and BHC's are to show-off your humor and to show that you aren't afraid to "insult" her, therefore displaying confidence and a lack of intimidation. If you use a comment that has emo undertones, however, it'll make you seem insecure or afraid that you won't measure up, and it defeats the purpose of the comment in the first place.

For instance, a good backhanded compliment will often position you as "superior" to her somehow, in a humorous way so that your comment comes across as confident and funny, rather than arrogant. Either that, or it will "insult" her in a funny way (that's not meanspirited).  It does not position you as below her in any way that makes it seem like you don't think you can measure up. Some examples are below:

Good: "Love your haircut -- it looked better on Rod Stewart!"

Bad: "Thanks for finally responding to my email -- you have the memory of my grandmother!"
Sep 22, 2011

How to Convey Confidence Around Women


So you've just met a hot girl and want to make a good impression, but aren't sure how.  With all of the pressure to put your best foot forward and stand out among a sea of guys, is it any wonder a guy can easily clam up when meeting a new woman? 

Below are some quick and easy ways to convey confidence around a new woman (or any woman!) and get her attention quickly to stand out from the crowd!

1) Smile and be friendly.  Nobody likes a sourpuss, and that includes females. Smile and be friendly - chances are, you'll receive the same in return. Smiling shows confidence and that you're approachable, and everyone likes that, male or female.  Show that you're open and approachable by flashing those pearly whites, and you'll create a good impression without even saying a word!
Sep 9, 2011

Double Dates Can Improve Your Relationship


Although one-on-one downtime with your sweetie is a must to maintaining a strong relationship, did you know that double dates with other couples can also help strengthen your bond?  Researchers at Wayne State University recently found that going on double-dates with other couples can help you feel more happy and satisfied with your own relationship. 
Aug 28, 2011

Creepy Come-Ons 2: How to Instantly Turn Her Off

1) Licking your lips every few seconds when talking to her, while seducing her with your eyes.

2) Sneaking up behind her and staring at her silently until she notices you.

3) Sending her a photoshopped picture of her and her boyfriend with your picture pasted over his head.

4) Following her home (without her asking) after your first meeting, just to make sure she "got home safe".

5) Sending her a Facebook "Relationship Request" when you two have never even met.

6) Telling her you've been having her picture saved as your desktop wallpaper for months during your first date.

7) Creating a "love confession" video for her - a la Jim Carrey's video for Emma Stone - without having ever met her.
Jul 30, 2011

Q & A - At the End of the Line

Q. Dear Alannah,

How do you do?  I don't know if you remember me, but I came to you for advice about the beginning of last year for advice about a guy I had a crush on in college at the time.  I asked for advice on how I could get him to notice me and so on.  Well, your advice worked wonderfully and we have been dating since then.  But once again, I'm in need of your help. 

Lately, I feel as though the connection between us from the beginning of the relationship until now has not been the same.  We argue a lot lately, and sometimes it gets worse.  My biggest problem with him is that games, such as the PS3 and card games, seem to be the only thing that his world revolves around lately, and sometimes I feel as though I somewhat don't exist to him. After being with him for over a year, it's been getting quite annoying.  Nothing is wrong with a guy having fun, playing games or whatever he does, once he knows his girlfriend is still one of his priorities in his life.  But, he never stops.  He always spends 3/4 of his salary on games, and when I talk to him about it, it turns into a battle.  Not to mention talking to him about anything these days, especially saying, "I love you"; it seems so robotic when he says it now and with no heart. 

All I want is simply someone who can make me feel comfortable and give me some attention at least; I can't remember the last time he told me I looked beautiful or really gave me much affection.  I can't be the one always running him down to tell or correct him about the way he treats me all the time.  And don't even talk about his temper; I don't know what to do anymore.  Am I wasting my time?  Please help!

Sincerely,

Exasperated Girlfriend

Jul 19, 2011

Why Confidence Is Important In A Man

Everyone knows that confidence is one of the sexiest traits a man can have...nothing is more appealing than being with someone who believes in him/herself and knows their own self-worth.  But, did you know that a lack of confidence can actually be detrimental to a relationship, especially when the man in the relationship is lacking it? (Lack of confidence in women affects relationships in different ways, usually in the form of insecurity, jealousy, and/or possessiveness, and that can also be detrimental, but that will be discussed at another time.)

Ladies, if your man (or the one you're eyeing) doesn't have at least a modest amount of confidence in himself and is always second-guessing himself and his abilities, watch out!  There may be a problem on down the line.  Read on to see why confidence is one of the most important qualities a man can have!

1) Confidence is sexy. It goes without saying that a woman will prefer a confident guy over one who's always down-in-the-dumps and underestimating himself any day. A guy who knows his self-worth and isn't afraid to go after what he wants is sexy.  It doesn't matter how rich, hot, or smart he is; if he isn't confident, then all of the other things lose much of their appeal; confidence is that quality that gives that extra "Ooomph!" to someone's personality and makes you want to get to know them better.

2) When a man isn't confident, it affects all areas of his life, especially his relationships.  No matter how awesome a catch you are, a man who is lacking true confidence will often be unable to appreciate it; he most likely won't have the balls to pursue you and will have a difficult time appreciating you for all that you bring to the table (hence the existence of SDS).  True confidence differs from brazen cockiness (for example, Jersey Shore-style chest-thumping and posturing); true confidence is a guy who isn't afraid to ask you out on a date, but doesn't think any less of himself if you happen to say, "No." True confidence is a guy who knows how to treat a woman right, and expects the same in return from the one he dates. True confidence is a guy who knows what he wants and deserves, and won't settle for anything less.
Jun 29, 2011

Q & A - A Blast From the Past

Q. Dear Alannah,

First let me say that I really enjoy your column here.  Your advice is sage, and thus, I am hoping you could advise me on a particularly difficult issue.

I’ve recently reunited with a woman who was very significant in my past.  We became close well over a decade ago when we were but 17, but time and fate brought us our own separate ways until now.  I ran into her profile by chance on an online dating site, and, stunned as by lightning, contacted her.  It took us a lot of time to meet, but we finally did last week, just for a light conversation over coffee and a short walk on a beautiful day.  We really hit it off, laughing and jesting as through that long span of absence had never taken place.

A few days later, I called her, just to thank her for the pleasure of her company and to chat a little about a public event which we both planned to attend.  Well, we wound up getting a few drinks that night.  The jests and the laughter continued; eye contact was intense; hands just seemed to find one another across the table; embraces were warm and lengthy; her smile was radiant, and no doubt there was quite a twinkle in my eye.  The only thing that didn’t quite go my way was that when I went in for the kiss upon parting, she presented her cheek. But I held her for a while after that, and when we finally parted, I felt like a king.

The day of the public event arrived, one put on by a friend of mine, who, I should add, is a man of 75.  I had volunteered to assist him if needs be.  I called my woman friend earlier in the day, just to inquire if she wanted to carpool, but she replied that she had double-booked with another friend of hers (another woman), but that she would prevail upon her to go to this event.  And so they both did.  I should note that her friend had just return from a long journey, and thus appeared quite exhausted over the course of the night.  We were rather focused on the event, and thus did not talk as much as we had. Some of my friend’s preoccupation rubbed off on me as well, I think, and I wasn’t quite my usual charming self—my wit was less quick, there was less mischief in my eyes, my compliments were more muted, and so forth.  But the event ended, and they invited me over to another tavern for a couple of drinks.  I went along, (my desire to talk to her more perhaps foolishly outweighing my better judgment to remain somewhat aloof) and much the same thing transpired there: more conversation, with both her and her friend, but just less enchantment.  When we departed, I asked her if she wanted to get together on my coming day off, and she replied that she wasn’t sure of her schedule.  All in all, it was a friendly time, but not so charming a time as our past meetings.
Jun 11, 2011

Best Ways to Meet Men In the Summer

Summertime is finally here, and what better way to jumpstart your summer than with a hot new romance?  If you're unsure where to meet some fresh faces this summer, never fear...follow the tips below to meet your man and prepare for some summer lovin'!

1) Take up a sport. What better way to meet hot, shirtless guys in the middle of summer than hitting the sand volleyball or tennis courts for some fun and fitness?  Kill two birds with one stone by getting in a good workout session as you scope out the hot guys who've come to play...the only things you'll be needing: a cute outfit and a good attitude!

2) Expand your circle.  So you've met all of your girlfriends' single guy friends, and their cousins, and any decent male who they think might be remotely dateable, and it seems like the well is running dry...what's a girl to do?  If you've exhausted the friend front when it comes to your search for potential new hotties, don't be afraid to expand your circle.  Sometimes, when meeting new guys through friends, it can be easy to get stuck in a rut and forget that the best way to expand your "network" is by simply making some new contacts.  So get out there and meet some new faces, and don't be afraid to expand your horizons...that slightly eccentric guitarist at the coffee shop just might have a hot friend or two who you might hit it off with!

3) Show some skin.  Ask any guy what he loves about summer and one of the top things will most likely be the amount of skin that's showing during this season.  I'm not saying go all-out skanky or forego clothing altogether, but showing some extra skin (in moderation) will have his temperature rising and attract extra attention with little effort on your part.  Go for shorter hemlines; sleeveless, tube, and racerback style tops; or lower necklines.  Balance the skin-baring by forgoing cleavage-y tops if you're wearing a shorter hemline, and vice-versa.
May 14, 2011

Q & A - Tongue-Tied At Work

Q. Dear Alannah,

There's this girl at my new job who I'm interested in, and I don't know how to strike up a conversation with her.  We both work in a call center and are both usually on the phone with customers.  We've talked briefly when I sat with her for on-the-job training when I first started working there, but we don't work directly with each other, and my main concerns/questions are how to strike up a conversation without it being awkward.  Odds are I will not be seeing her randomly around the office where I would be able to engage in small talk.  I would probably have to start talking with her at her desk and the issue with that is, being able to do it in a non-awkward and meaningful way.  How would this conversation go, how far should the conversation go and what is the next step in the process?

Sincerely,

Tongue-Tied

A. Dear Tongue-Tied,

The best way to engage her in conversation is to wait until you can catch her off the phone sometime and then walk by and engage in some small talk.  You could ask her a question about something related to a call you had; you could start out by saying something like, "Hey, can I ask you something?  Everyone around me is busy, so I was wondering if you could help me out for future reference."  (Then, make up a problem you had or ask her a real question, and then after that lead it into some small talk!)
Apr 28, 2011

Q & A - Facebook Fling

Q. Dear Alannah,

So there's this guy I met over Facebook...I thought I knew him, but I didn't.  We started talking and it led to some deep, hours long conversations.  We also flirted alot, too, and he asked me if I was single.  A few days later, I suggested hanging out, and he immediately agreed.  We made plans to go to the movies with a couple of his friends, A (who I knew) and B, who I didn't.  It went sooo well!  He was nice and funny and awesome, but since then he's been really distant...he'll still text me first and stuff, but he'll answer in one word texts, etc.  I asked him if something was wrong and if he wanted to stop talking to me, but he'll say he was just watching a movie or doing something else.  We haven't talked since we met up, but I saw his comments on another girl's picture (on Facebook) calling her sexy, and I think he's losing interest when I had really started liking him.  Please tell me if he's a player or interested or what!  Because I'm afraid he lost interest after we met up and now he's stopped talking to me because of that.  Please help!

Sincerely,

Amanda
Apr 20, 2011

Signs She's Into You


Guys are always wondering what signs can be used to figure out if a woman's interested...while each woman is different, there are some universal indicators that can usually be used to find out if a woman's interested or not.  Below, some tell-tale signs a woman is into you!

1) She cancels plans with others to hang out with you. This is one of the biggest indicators that a girl is into you, and that's when she starts being flakey on plans with others just to hang out with you...a girl who's really smitten will flake out on plans with others just to spend more time with you.  If a female friend skips out on cocktails with her girls or Sunday afternoon shopping with her BFF just to help you reorganize your DVD collection, for instance, it ain't because she's thoroughly impressed with your Adam Sandler collection!  If you're interested, now's the time to make your move.
Apr 6, 2011

Q & A - Is Our Long-Distance Relationship Doomed?

Q. Dear Alannah,

I need another person's opinion!  I'm in my first relationship with a guy who is two years older than me.  We started dating in September 2010 and things were fine and dandy for the first 4 months of our relationship.  I was very busy with school because it was my last year of undergrad, so basically, he was always the one coming down after work to see me once or twice a week.  At first, I was careful not to open my heart too much to him because 1) I wanted to play it safe, and 2) my lack of free time to spend with him prevented it from happening as well.  However, he surprised me some time in November when he said out of nowhere, "I think I love you," as he was leaving.  I was shocked and felt really bad because at that point, I could not say the same back to him.  After that incident though, I let down the walls around my heart and took more time out for him. Since then, my affections for him have grown a lot.

The problem came about 4 months into the relationship when he told me that he would be leaving at the beginning of February for Korea to teach English for 6 months.  I was completely alright with the idea of him being across the globe from me (I'm in Toronto) because I had complete faith in him.  However, the things that have transpired since he got his acceptance into the teaching abroad program has planted a lot of doubts in my mind.  He said a lot about how he'd keep up with this relationship while he was in Korea and such, but his words and his actions contradict each other.  In most cases, whenever it comes down to himself vs. the relationship, he'd always puts himself first.  I'm not saying that everything he does has to be for the relationship first and foremost.  However, from my point-of-view, it seems like I'm the one putting more effort into this relationship than he is.  For example, in order for us to Skype, I basically have to be online whenever I can because he can't give me a set time for when we can Skype on a weekly basis.  I've made it clear to him that I'm frustrated and unhappy with some of the things that he's been doing, but his actions haven't changed.  He just gets defensive about his actions and never tries to console me or make me happy. (I've tried to be objective, but I think my explanation has taken on a subjective view at this point.)  He's told me that this long distance deal has been an ordeal for him as well, but when I ask him if he still wants in on this, he says yes.  The only problem that I have with his "yes" is that I know, from what he's told me, that he has trouble breaking up with girls.
 

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